


Time of Your Life

by sandymg



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: J-Squared, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-06
Updated: 2012-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-29 01:38:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandymg/pseuds/sandymg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles doesn't need anyone. His marketing job takes up all his time and lasting relationships are a Hallmark invention. So it totally throws him for a loop when his long-lost best friend from childhood shows up. Except. Jensen is nearly thirty -- and Jared is still eight.</p><p><a href="http://z13.invisionfree.com/Supernatural_Foro/index.php?showtopic=4718&st=0"><b>Spanish translation of Time of Your Life</b></a> by Alfer</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time of Your Life

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is fiction. No harm intended. No profit made.
> 
> A/N: Jensen and Jared were born the same year in this story. Both are 16 at the start of their relationship. Loosely inspired by the film, _The Kid_. Story title is from the Green Day song, _Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)._

**Chapter 1**  
 ****

Jensen was having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. What? Even grumpy adults are allowed a favorite children’s book. Not that Jensen was grumpy. Absolutely not. He dared anybody under these same circumstances to not be peeved. All he’d wanted was a double double, half caf, no whip, skinny vanilla caramel latte. Extra hot, Venti. Really? How hard was that?

“Excuse me?! This is a Grande. I paid for a Venti.”

The senior barista came over, eyes fighting a roll and fake smile pasted solid. “Mr. Ackles. I’m pretty sure you said Grande this morning. You ask for Grande every morning. Sir.”

Jensen bristled. “Yes. Most mornings. But, this morning I distinctly asked for a Venti. And if your incompetent employees paid half as much attention to the customers as they do gossiping, then they’d have heard me correctly.”

The young man who’d served him turned to shoot a heated look. No matter. The little twerp could stick it where the sun didn’t shine. Jensen wanted his Venti, dammit.

With an obvious sigh the barista took away his paper cup and told him to please wait a moment.

“I’m in a hurry. Trying to make a meeting and you idiots are going to make me late.”

“I’ll make you a new one right away, sir.”

He glanced at his watch. _Fuck_. He had barely a half hour to get in the office and meet with Johnston. And if he didn’t get there in time then surely Rosenbaum would slither into the conference room like the snake he was and try to steal the Johnston account right from under him. No time. He reached out to take back his too-small coffee.

“Never mind I—“ The barista was startled and her hand jerked. The lid must have been loose because suddenly sweet vanilla filled the air and Jensen looked down in horror as his previously white shirt blossomed poo-poo brown. He grimaced at his own thought. Stupid baby nephew and ridiculous parents that insisted on baby talk all the time. His reaction was slightly delayed as the heat penetrated. “OW! Motherf … You freakin’ scalded me!”

The harried barista was beet red and breathing so fast Jensen thought she’d faint. “Omigod. I’m so sorry. Ginny … quick, bring me a cold towel. Oh god. Do you need us to call an ambulance?”

Jensen looked at her with disgust, pulling the soaked material away from his chest. He looked up in alarm as the girl pulled out a cell phone. “No! I’m fine … well, not fine. Just. Don’t do anything. You’ve done more than enough already.

“Mr. Ackles, I’m really so sorry. I don’t … “ Ginny appeared with the cloth and started to reach out to wipe at Jensen’s shirt.

“Give me that,” he huffed, tugging the fabric from the girl’s hands. Without giving the workers a second glance he dashed into the men’s room.

The stain was a combination of brown and sand and looked like someone had either shit or vomited all over him. Possibly both. Fantastic. This day just kept getting better and better. This morning he’d realized he’d forgotten to pick up his laundry and had only one clean shirt left. An older one at that. Rosenbaum would be spit sharp and sparkling, shaved head gleaming like freakin’ Mr. Clean. God, he hated the bald bastard.

He took off his suit jacket to survey the damage. It, too, had tiny dirt-colored speckles. Ruined. Fourteen hundred dollars down the freakin’ drain. He should take it out of that stupid barista’s paycheck is what he should do. Should make her pay him back every red cent. Dumbass incompetent ninny.

Another sad glance at his Rolex showed him time was up. He pulled out his cell and pressed the send button reluctantly. “Jeff?”

“Where the hell are you? Johnston and his entourage are already here.”

“I’m having a fucked up bad day.”

“What the hell are you talking about? We’ve been working a year for this.”

Jensen sucked in a long breath. “I won’t make it. Not in time at any rate.” He paused, resentment burning in his veins hotter than the coffee that had splashed his chest. “Send in Rosenbaum.”

“Mike doesn’t know his shit like you do.” Yeah. Tell him something he didn’t know. Odds were the bastard would push too hard and blow it for them. Jensen stared at himself in the mirror. He heard Jeff’s breathing through his Bluetooth but said nothing. Lifting his undershirt gingerly he touched the reddened skin beneath. Fuck. It hurt.

Jeff sounded resigned but pissed. “Okay. We have no choice. I’ll try to keep him reined in. But, he’s not you. Whoever he was had better been worth it.”

“Why are you automatically assuming this was about a hookup?”

Jeff’s laugh held minimal mirth. “How long we known each other?” The chuckling stopped. “Get your ass in here. Maybe you can at least do some damage control after the fact.”

Jensen clicked his Bluetooth off and rewet the cloth to hold against his scorched flesh. Truth was he’d been alone last night. In fact, it had been a couple of weeks since he’d gone looking for companionship. Jeff would likely be amazed at that. But Jensen just hadn’t been in the mood. No point. Work kept him super busy. At thirty he was the youngest partner at J&J Marketing Consulting. The senior partners, Jim and Jeff, counted on him to keep new business coming in. And the Johnston account would have been the icing on a cake that he’d been baking all year.

Dammit, he was disappointed. This was just the crappiest day. He left the restroom, tossing the wet towel back at the workers and ignoring their ongoing apologies. He needed to pick up his laundry, head home to change, and try to get to the office before Rosenbaum ruined it all with his overaggressiveness. Jensen looked up as he walked swiftly down the sidewalk, half expecting a piano to fall on him or something. Because really … could this day get any worse?

Well, it could if you knew that it would end with Jensen’s car wrapped around a tree.

– – –

Katie popped her gum as he walked in. “They’re gone.”

“Yeah. I heard. Jeff called me.”

Jensen headed into his office and dropped his briefcase on the floor beside his desk. Months of work littered the desk’s surface. He wondered if it really would all be for nothing now. Rosenbaum’s shiny skull peeked in his doorway.

“Nice of you to decide to join us.”

“Fuck you. You do not want to know what happened to me today.” Jensen shut his eyes and drew in a long breath. “Okay. How bad was it?”

Mike was instantly defensive. “They’re assholes, Jense. You know this. Old man Johnston doesn’t know what he wants. Indecisive old coot.”

“ _Rich_ indecisive old coot. That account was worth millions. What’d he say about the sketches for the new line?”

Johnston manufactured sports equipment and Jensen had come up with an expansion plan that included a new athletic clothing line. It was a perfect way to leverage the known name and he’d already lined up several athletes to serve as spokespeople and …

“He said he’d preferred to continue endorsing key events.”

Jensen’s voice rose. “They’ve been doing that for the past ten years. It’s old news and won’t add a dime to the bottom line any longer. The last time I met with him he seemed eager to consider something new. What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know. His VP – Bradford – seemed on board. But the old man was scared or something. You know I can’t horse whisper ‘em like you can. Where the hell were you, man? Late night and the guy wouldn’t leave?”

Jensen bristled. Why the hell did everyone assume he’d spent last night getting laid? Was he really such a manwhore? “No! I … had an unfortunate meeting with a cup of coffee.”

Mike looked at him oddly and said nothing. His eyes narrowed as he took in Jensen’s appearance. “You know, you’ve been … off lately. Maybe you need a vacation or something?”

That got Jensen’s attention and his eyes rose swiftly to meet Rosenbaum’s glinty blue stare. Sneaky bastard. He’d like that, wouldn’t he? Then he could undercut all of Jensen’s work and maybe even somehow snag a client or two. Jensen knew how badly Mike wanted to be offered partnership. Jim, he knew, was considering it. Soft bastard. Jeff thought it was a bad idea. As did Jensen. There was something just not trustworthy about Mike. Something slightly crazy, truth be told.

“Thanks for your concern, but I’m fine. Just having a bad day is all. I’ll take care of old man Johnston and get him on board.”

“I don’t know … he seemed pretty dead set against the idea.”

There was something about the little gleam in Mike’s eyes as he spoke that made Jensen look at him hard. Puzzle pieces realigned and fell into place. Rosenbaum _wanted_ Jensen to lose this account. “What did you say to him?”

Mike had the audacity to not even bother looking shocked. “What do you mean?”

“You might have Jim fooled, but I see right through you and it won’t work. I wrote the fucking book on being a manipulative bastard. You can’t win.”

He was met with a blindingly white smile. “I think this unsupportable paranoia is a sign that you’ve been working too hard, Jensen. I’ll talk to Jim for you if you want. See if we can get you some time off.”

Jensen gave him the finger and Mike walked out of his office laughing.

Jeff came in a few moments later.

“The little shit sabotaged me.”

“Got no proof of that,” Jeff offered. But he didn’t disagree.

“Why don’t we fire his ass?”

“Because he brings in the second highest revenue after you.”

Jensen’s lips pursed. He really hated that chrome-domed bastard.

– – –

This morning had been Terrible. Now he was moving onto Atrocious. Katie giggled and Jensen felt like strangling her.

“This is the second ruined suit in one day!”

“Relax. It’s organic. It’ll come out. Just explain it to the drycleaner.”

“Explain that a pigeon decided to poop on me?”

“The bird had to go potty.”

Green eyes skewered the gum-chewing blonde. “You are the worst assistant ever.”

“True. But I’m also the only assistant that can put up with you. So we’re stuck with each other.” She took pity on him and held out her hand. “Hand it over. I’ll take it in and you can pick it up later.”

He shrugged out of the ruined jacket, face crinkling with disgust at the puce green dropping on the shoulder. “Do I have any in my hair?” He ducked his head for Katie to examine. Long fingernails raked through his short hair, tingling his scalp. A shudder ran through him. It had been a while since anyone had …

“Nope. All clean, boss.” Thank goodness for some small favors. “But you should wash your temple.”

Jensen jumped, hand swiping the side of his head manically. “What?!”

Katie grabbed a tissue off her desk. “Stand still, it’s just a tiny speck.”

“Ugh. Get it off me. Now!” Jensen felt disgusting down to his toes. He wanted to jump in the shower right the hell now.

“Such a baby. Heck, when I was a kid, we’d roll in mud and god knows what else. What were you … wrapped in a bubble or something?”

_Jen … my momma’s gonna kill me. There’s mud everywhere._

_Nah, we’ll put our clothes through the wash before they get back. She’ll never know._

_Whatcha wanna do while we wait? Clothes off an’ all?_

“No … we … I got dirty. But that was years ago. I grew up, Katie. I suggest you try it.”

Katie studied him a moment. “Growing up is overrated.” She sighed, turning the soiled jacked over on her arm. “I’ll get this taken care of. You have that thing tonight, right?”

He knew there was a reason this day was working its way to Horrendous. “The Temple Foundation charity event. Shoot me now.”

“Hey, it’ll be fun. You taking anyone?”

Jensen stared at her like she’d grown an extra head.

“Oh. Right, I forgot … you don’t do that. Gotta keep that whole ‘I don’t need anyone’ vibe going.”

This was an old argument. “I’m not getting into this with you again. I _don’t_ need anyone. Nobody does. It’s just Hallmark bullshit that drives morons to the online dating sites and makes everyone desperate to pair up. It’s unnatural to act like we all need to jump aboard Noah’s Ark. I get what I need, when I need it. No mess. Much better that way.”

“Yeah. The happiness is just oozing off of you.”

Sarcasm marred Katie’s pretty face. He turned the table on her. “How’s it going with Marty?”

She snarled. “We broke up. And you _knew_ that.”

“So much for that super high compatibility score. I told you it was just marketing BS.”

She held the jacket closer. “Maybe he wasn’t the one but I have to believe there is a ‘one’. I don’t … how can you not want someone to care about? And to care about you?”

“It’s not a matter of want,” he explained for what felt like the hundredth time. “There simply is no such thing as a satisfactory long-term relationship. It’s like saying you want Santa Claus. Won’t make it real.”

“He’s not real?!” Katie exclaimed with shock.

“Get out of here. And stop at Starbucks on the way back.” He held out a twenty. “Please?”

“How big a coffee do you need?”

He rolled his eyes. “Get yourself something, too.”

“Thanks. So what do you want?”

Jensen thought about it, hand hovering over his chin. “Hmm. Get me a Quad Grande soy white mocha, with caramel, whipped cream and sprinkles on top.” He paused to take a breath as she stared at him incredulously. “Oh. And ask them to put it in a Venti cup, okay? I like the extra room.”

– – –

There were no sprinkles but the sweet warmth still helped soothe his stressed nerves. Jensen’d spent an hour on the phone with old-man Johnston and the idea of the clothing line was back to being a possibility. Of course, now Jensen had a month’s worth of fresh financial projections to work up. But it would be worth it. This was the best direction for Johnston’s firm, a solid, logical way for them to grow. And it was just the beginning. He envisioned an athletic shoe line next. Perhaps co-branded to save costs. He jotted some notes in the spiral notebook he always kept with him.

He clicked open a fresh Excel spreadsheet on his computer and got to work.

Katie interrupted several hours later, handing him the dry cleaner receipt. He thanked her and took a last sip of the now frigid coffee. Her words about getting dirty came back to him, freezing his fingers above his keyboard. Odd that he’d remembered Jay. He hadn’t thought about his former friend in years. Jay’s family had moved onto Jensen’s block when Jensen was six. They started first grade together and were inseparable until Jay moved away right after their sophomore year of high school.

Katie’s shadow loomed over his desk. He looked up. “What?”

“You have to leave now if you’re going to make the benefit.”

“Damn. But I’m not done.”

“With the hoops Johnston has us jumping through we won’t be done until St. Patrick’s Day. Go. It’s a good cause and Temple is a big client, too.”

Jensen nodded in acceptance. “How far did you get with the revised overseas manufacturing projections?”

Katie squirmed. “I’ll have it for you Monday morning but … Jensen … you know how I feel about some of the practices in those countries.”

Jensen understood. He’d tried his best to keep all the pricing based on fair market wages but these varied hugely depending on the location of the factory. Johnston’s biggest concerns were all about manufacturing costs. Greedy bastard was looking for nothing less than maximum profit if he was going to take this leap into expansion. Jensen swallowed down his unease. It wasn’t his job to play political activist. Until the politicians wrote laws prohibiting exporting of manufacturing to third-world factories, Johnston was within his rights to take advantage of it.

Jensen squirmed under Katie’s penetrating scrutiny. “Just give me the numbers. We aren’t the ones running the business. We only present the options and Johnston chooses.”

“But … “ She was going to argue. And Jensen knew he didn’t have a good rebuttal.

“I have to go. Have the projections on my desk on Monday by ten a.m. I want to have the new proposal back to Johnston by next Friday.”

Katie looked shocked. “Friday! Jensen, we’ll have to work 24/7 next week to come close to meeting that deadline. He didn’t ask for it then. Why are you--?”

Jensen’s patience was at an end. The green of his eyes darkened as he turned them on his assistant with a piercing stare. “Monday. By ten. We clear?”

Katie blinked and lowered her head. “Yes, boss.”

He plucked the dry cleaner receipt out from under the massive paper piles littering his desk. His suit jacket had better be ready and perfect because he didn’t have time to go home and change again.

– – –

The Temple Foundation charity event was held in the Four Seasons Hotel just outside of downtown Dallas. The venue was stunning, a sparkling ballroom and astounding pavilion that stretched outside and glittered under thousands of tiny white lights. Jensen was late. Of freakin’ course. He hit a huge backup on I-35 on the way to Las Colinas and sat bumper to bumper for about twenty excruciating minutes. Some sort of accident. Another asshole who didn’t know how to drive.

He straightened out his tie as he looked around the elegant ballroom. After a few moments his eyes landed on Jeff and his girlfriend. Working his way over to their table he placed his hand on Jeff’s shoulder. “Sorry. I missed a course, eh?”

“I ordered you the prime rib. You missed two courses, they just took away our salads.”

Dammit. Jensen liked the salad here. Featured poached pears that were to die for. He dropped into the empty seat next to Jim. The older partner eyed him. “You okay? Jeff said you missed the Johnston meeting.”

Jensen hoped he wasn’t turning red under the chastisement. “Yes. I’m sorry. I was unavoidably detained. But I have it all under control now. We meet again Friday.”

Jeff’s eyes widened. “So soon? You can be ready with new projections by then?”

Across the table he caught Rosenbaum’s startled intake of air. A small smile lifted Jensen’s lips. “Yes. Absolutely. And when Johnston sees how cheaply we can make this happen he’ll be signing us up for the duration.”

Jim smiled beneath his salt and pepper beard. His hand slapped the table. “Well, that’s good to hear. If they sign up for this I reckon we’ll lose you to this account for years, son.”

Jensen met the other man’s excited blue gaze. “I can handle it.”

“I know how hard you work, but you’re just one person. Right, Jeff? I think we’ll need to consider expanding the partnership.” With this Jim smiled toward Mike, who beamed back.

Jensen looked up at Mike with a start. The sneaky, no-good, bastard. He knew that Jensen wasn’t going to lose this account. That he’d work double hard to retain it no matter what Mike did. And with the account came a ton of extra responsibility, leaving J&J truly undermanned. Jensen held up his water glass in a silent toast to Mike. Say what you will, but the guy was good. This was pretty much exactly how Jensen himself made partner after all – by ensuring that Jeff simply got too busy for his own good.

Jeff’s girlfriend Samantha was a stunning blonde with the bluest eyes this side of the Atlantic. She gave off a slightly hippie vibe with her wavy long hair and penchant for flowy dresses. Tonight’s was sleeveless, an almost-black navy blue with a small gray flower print. She was a sweet woman and had once set Jensen up with the son of someone at the bakery she ran. That had been a huge mistake. Dan was nice enough. A little short for Jensen’s tastes but with a nice build. There really was nothing wrong with him. However Jensen hadn’t been able to find anything right with him either.

They dated for about a month. About seven dates all together before Jensen told the guy he wasn’t really interested in a boyfriend situation. Dan hadn’t taken it well. Jensen tried to empathize or whatever but his heart wasn’t in it. The breakup caused tension between Jensen and Samantha for months. Luckily, this had been a while ago and Sam had gotten over it. Or so Jensen had hoped.

“So. Are you seeing anyone, Jensen?” she asked, leaning over Jeff to be heard.

Jeff interrupted, “Sammy … don’t.”

Sam turned on Jeff. “I was just asking.”

Jensen answered her directly, didn’t want Jeff in the middle. “No, Sam, nobody at the moment. It’s for the best. Really busy. Don’t have time for that sort of thing right now.”

He looked at both of them. “Jeff is busy, too,” Sam started. Jensen could see where she was heading -- Jeff made time for Samantha. Of course living together had to help. Why did everyone find it impossible to believe Jensen just didn’t want to be paired off? Folks just found this position intolerable somehow. Like it was a personal affront that he didn’t need someone hanging off him.

“There’s a new customer been coming to the bakery, Jensen and he’s … “

“Samantha. Please. The last thing I want right now is a relationship. I just don’t. Okay?” His tone really left no further room for discussion.

Her glare was mixed with something else. Please not pity, Jensen huffed silently, as Sam sat back into her seat and started a conversation a few moments later with Alona, the other associate at the firm.

The evening continued in a dull and slow manner. Jensen generally enjoyed his colleagues, but it really just had been a long, miserable day. Expensive, too, given the number of ruined outfits. Luckily, dinner didn’t contain any further mishaps. He’d stuck with a single glass of white wine just to avoid tempting fate any more for the evening.

Jensen escaped to his car as soon as he could reasonably excuse himself.

The drive back to his University Park condo was mercifully traffic free. Twenty-two minutes later he was approaching the first of the two turns that would land him in his driveway when something large and dark darted in front of his car. Instinctively he turned hard to the right to avoid the … _animal?_ The vehicle rocked from the ninety-degree swerve and Jensen started to correct back just as out of nowhere a second creature appeared in the glare of his headlight. His brain registered reflective eyes and a small orange furry body. He yanked the wheel further, tires squealing in resistance, and knew he’d lost control over how this was going to end.

The stately oak tree shuddered as five thousand pounds of steel slammed head first into it. And the driver would not remember what his last thought had been.

**Chapter 2**  
 ****

_Beep … Beep … Beep …_

Jensen’s eyes shot open. _What the?_ He blinked furiously, fumbled to unlatch his seatbelt, and pushed the airbag out of his way. He forced the car door open using his shoulder for leverage and stumbled out onto the street.

His eyes widened at the smoking remnant of his car. Shaking off the intermittent buzzing in his ears he reached one hand out to steady himself.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” A man’s voice sounded by his ear, then shouted back at someone. “Call 911. Now!”

A strong grip held him steady by his bicep. “My god … I can’t believe you just walked out of that.”

Jensen’s eyes returned to the vehicle. The front was accordion shaped. He couldn’t see inside past the shattered windows. He must have shut the door behind him but didn’t remember doing that.

“My … car,” he stuttered.

“Yeah. Pretty much totaled.” The stranger shook his head. “Still can’t believe … Hey, you’re bleeding … “

Jensen felt a trickle near his nose and swiped away at the red drops. Nosebleed. “ ’S okay. Not … I’m okay.”

“Right. Just take it easy. Here … “ Arms started to urge him down. “You should sit.”

Jensen let the man lower him to the grass as he looked around fuzzily. He was on someone’s lawn. In the distance sirens sounded.

“Good. They’re almost here. Just take it easy. You’ll be okay.” The man’s voice softened. “Do you want us to call anyone? Your wife, girlfriend. Parents?”

Jensen dug his hands in the slightly damp soil. “No. I don’t … no, don’t call anyone.”

A woman appeared with a terry washcloth. “Here,” she said handing it to him. “Don’t tilt your head up. Could make you choke. Just hold it steady underneath. What’s your name, son?”

“Jensen. Thanks,” he croaked, holding the cloth under his nose. After a second he looked back up at them. The man’s shape clarified. Older, balding, maybe in his sixties. “What happened?”

The man knelt down in front of him. “I’m so sorry … it’s our fault.”

“What?”

The woman knelt, too, and touched his arm. “You missed Rusty. I … oh god, I’m so thankful.”

“Rus--ty?”

The man’s face reddened. “Our cat. He ran out. Heard a noise. Probably a raccoon. My wife only had the door open for a minute. She wanted me to check the light sensor over the garage. That’s when we saw you swerve the first time. Then Rusty was there and you turned again to miss hitting him and hit the tree instead. I thought … well, thank goodness you’re okay.”

The ambulance pulled up then. The man leapt up. “He’s over here.”

The EMTs quickly looked Jensen over and recommended he go to the hospital for a thorough exam. He watched their eyes return to the car that was now part of the tree in the world’s most bizarre natural sculpture.

Jensen shook them all off. “I’m fine. Stopped bleeding.” It was true. The nose bleed seemed over. “I’ll go to my doctor tomorrow. But I’m fine.”

“Sir, please, you need imaging for your head. You might have sustained a concussion.”

After some cajoling Jensen agreed to let Rusty’s owners, the Andersons, take him to the hospital. He refused to ride in the ambulance. Wasn’t necessary, he kept saying. He urged the paramedics to go help someone else in trouble.

The Emergency Room doctor was exceedingly young. He looked all of twelve even though Jensen knew he had to be older. When did doctors get so young? Feeling ancient he answered all the doctor’s questions. When it came to whether he was hearing any sounds Jensen looked into the kid’s eyes.

“I heard … like a buzzing or maybe a beep … in the car, I think.”

The doctor nodded. “Have you heard it again, ringing, any other sounds?”

Jensen shook his head no and immediately regretted the movement when a throb shot from his temple to the base of his skull.

“There’s a bump and contusion so you likely have a concussion. But the scans don’t show any swelling in the brain, so if you insist on going home I guess you can. ”

“Shouldn’t sleep?” Jensen asked wearily, thinking of how exceedingly tired he was.

“No. Should be okay. Just come back if you feel nausea or if your headache gets any worse. Alright?” The physician smiled at him causing dimples to appear in his baby-round cheeks. “You’re very lucky.”

Jensen blinked away a flash of familiarity at the doctor-kid’s smile and stopped himself from automatically nodding. _Lucky?_ That would have been hiding in bed all day. As it was, he felt seriously unlucky but didn’t want to argue.

The couple whose cat Jensen hadn’t made into road kill drove him home.

In the apartment he managed to take off his suit jacket and shoes before collapsing on his bed with a loud groan. He heard a whispered blip as sleep took him and for a fleeting moment he worried that he wouldn’t wake up.

– – –

The sun shining through shades he’d never had a chance to close answered Jensen’s question about waking up. Ugh. Everything hurt. His body felt like … well, like it had gone one-on-one with an oak tree. The tree had definitely won.

Two thoughts. He was alive. And he would appreciate that fact a lot more once he had coffee.

He stumbled out of bed and headed into the kitchen.

A few minutes later the brewing noise and the fantastic aroma jump-started his body to the being-glad-to-be-alive stage. In fact, the feeling overwhelmed him for a moment and he plopped onto his kitchen stool as his legs suddenly felt weak. A shudder ran through him.

Christ. Today could have been his funeral.

He drank the coffee black as was his usual for his very first cup. The caffeine went directly into his veins and he felt oddly charged.

Showering eased some of the residual soreness, and dressing quickly he decided he might as well put this odd energy to use and do some more work on the Johnston projections. That’s when he realized he had no way to get into the office. Or anywhere for that matter.

Nursing a second cup of coffee, he pulled out his cell to start making phone calls.

The insurance company agreed he was entitled to a loaner while they examined the wreck. Not that there was much left to check out. Jensen figured it was a lost cause. Buying a new car was going to be a real hassle.

It would take until after lunch for the rental car to be dropped off. Jensen wondered if Katie would be in the office. She couldn’t possibly make the Monday deadline without some weekend work. Unless she’d taken it home. That was more likely as she’d once confessed she worked most efficiently wearing her fuzzy slippers. An image that had made Jensen uncharacteristically giggly when he pried out of her that her slippers were giant ladybugs complete with spots and antenna.

He rang her number.

“I’m goin’ in. Wanna meet me?”

“How was the benefit?”

“Deadly boring. In other words, the same as usual. Come to think of it, how’d you get out of going?” Jensen had been surprised to see Katie hadn’t attended. She usually liked those things.

“My sister’s visiting.”

Ahh. Katie’s sister, Genevieve, lived in Los Angeles. But she got back home to Texas as often as she could. He’d been told she was pursuing an acting career or something. Jensen had met her a few times. The very first time she’d flirted shamelessly with him until Katie whispered something to her and she’d pursed her lips saying _dang, I forgot_.

Well, if Gen were in town then there was no way Katie would be coming into the office.

“Jensen, you okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” He thought he should mention his totaled car. But then said nothing. Wasn’t in the mood for the shock and concern that would follow. “I’m heading into the office. I guess you’ll be busy. See you Monday.”

“I was going to get some work done from home when Gennie’s meeting some of her old friends later. I’ll make the deadline. Don’t worry. Although it’s silly to make ourselves crazy when Johnston didn’t even … Jensen, it’s gorgeous out. Don’t spend all day at the office, okay? Get some sun and breath some air and, I don’t know … play or something.”

Jensen stared as if she was in front of him. “Play? Since when do I do that?”

Her voice sounded sheepish. “I don’t know. You don’t. I know. Just think you should, maybe.”

Confused and wondering if Katie and her sister’d had a Mimosa party for breakfast, he hung up and headed out.

– – –

At two o’clock Jensen was the only one in the office. No surprise. He and Mike were the only ones to regularly work weekends. Mike more often since Jim had mentioned the possible partnership offer.

Empty coffee cups provided evidence that Jim had been in earlier, however. The cleaning service would have disposed of any from Friday but they didn’t work weekends. He tossed the empties in the trash himself on the way to the little pantry to brew up a fresh pot of coffee.

What he really wanted was something sweet from Starbucks but it was too much of an effort to get it. Besides, they’d probably screw up the order anyway.

He sniffed the milk from their mini-fridge. Borderline but probably not deadly.

_I only like milk with cookies._

_Yeah, me, too. Watcha like?_

_Oreos are my favorite._

_Really? Mine, too. Do you dunk?_

_Nah, split em open and lick the cream._

_Eww. But then you’re stuck with just the cookie._

_Cookie’s good! Nuthin’ wrong with that._

Jensen stared at the white milk slowly changing the coffee into a soft caramel swirl. Oreo cookies. Wow, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had one. Where had that thought come from? Why think about it now? He still thought dunking was the way to go. Jay never did know how to eat a cookie.

“Did, too.”

Jensen jumped, the coffee splashing out onto his hand. “OW … Fuck. What the hell?”

He spun around in the empty room. The white tile floor was spotted with light brown from his spill. The counter as well. The refrigerator beeped and hummed crazy loud for its small size. But then again it was old and due for replacement. Knowing Jim and Jeff it probably dated back to their frat days.

His temples still throbbed. That concussion was likely not yet totally gone. That explained. Everything.

He let cold tap water run over his hand, soothing the hot coffee sting. A few minutes later he returned to his office to put in a few hours of work and get the jump on those manufacturing cost projections. He had a deal to close.

– – –

The sun was setting when Jensen lifted his eyes from his computer screen again. He turned around to the window behind him. The dark glass shed his reflection back to him. His hair was sticking up in sloppy spikes … did he really leave the house looking this way? It was enough to revoke his gay man’s membership card. He chuckled darkly to himself.

A shadow crossed his vision, low and fast. Jensen spun his chair back around. The office was _of course_ empty.

He could hear Katie telling him to call it a day. Go home. If she knew he’d come in post-concussion she’d have been furious at him. He tried to remember what Doogie Howser had said about working on a computer. The young physician might have said to avoid it for a few days. Something about maybe taking Monday off. But the doctor didn’t know him. That just wasn’t happening.

Besides, he was fine. Not a scratch on him.

“Hey, ‘member when we fell outta the tree house? I was a bloody mess and you were fine. Nothin’ happened to you.”

Jensen blinked. Stared. Blinked again. It still stood there. “J-Jay?”

“Hey, Jenny.”

“You … you can’t … “ Jensen’s breathing sped up, heart racing like a dog’s in a thunderstorm. Because this was just not possible. Oh god. He was going crazy. Certifiable. Rubber rooms and straightjackets and enough medication to put an elephant to sleep. Did they still do lobotomies? God, he hoped not. Left a really ugly scar.

The boy smiled, dimples appearing like tiny craters on his cheeks. Hair falling forward nearly covering those hazel, slanted eyes. This wasn’t just Jay. It was Jay when Jensen had first met him.

Twenty-four years ago.

_The truck was the largest Jensen had ever seen on their quiet block. He kept his nose to the cool window. The side of the truck had letters. He was just starting to read so he worked to sound out the words … A T L A S. He frowned, not knowing what that meant. The second word was longer. M O V E R S. He studied the picture of a huge man holding a tremendous ball on his back. Looked like Superman minus the cape. Cape was the best part. Jensen had dressed up as Superman last Halloween and he still wore that cape almost every day. Made him cool._

_Jensen’s mother saw what he was watching. “Oh look, honey, new neighbors across the street. Wonder if they have any little ones.”_

_That’s when a large blue station wagon pulled up in front of the house and a family scrambled out. Jensen watched, eyes opening big as three kids scrambled out of the back seat. Two boys and a girl. The shorter of the two boys looked around. His eyes locked with Jensen’s and stopped. A moment later, the boy gave a hesitant little wave._

_Jensen looked back up at his mother who smiled at him encouragingly. Jensen waved back._

The young boy walked around Jensen’s desk curiously only to be distracted by the view out the window. They weren’t very high up and there wasn’t much to see, but that didn’t seem to bother the boy. Jensen forced himself to calm down. He was being ridiculous. This was just someone’s son who just happened to resemble his childhood friend. He’d wandered into the building and found the J&J offices open and that explained everything.

“Where are your parents?” Jensen asked, forcing his voice not to squeak.

Smiling hazel eyes met his. “Don’t know.”

“Are you lost?”

“Jenny … you look different. All grown up an’ all. Wow.”

Jensen’s heart leapt again. He hadn’t been called ‘Jenny’ since … Jay called him that. He was the only non-family member that had been allowed. And even that had ended when Jensen turned nine and forbid it when other kids started teasing him with the girly name.

The kid must have spotted Jensen’s nameplate and he was being a wiseass. That explained it.

“Do you know your phone number? We can call your folks and have them come get you.”

The boy recited a number and Jensen thudded back into his desk chair. That was Jay’s number. Well, his family’s phone number. Jensen still knew it by heart. He should. He’d called it more than any other number for most of his childhood. When he wasn’t just ringing the doorbell, that is.

_“Mom! I’m going to Jay’s.”_

_“Jay?”_

_“Jared.”_

_“Okay. Wait one minute so I can watch you cross the street.” It was a quiet block but Jensen’s mom always watched him get across safely. Made him feel like a baby. He was six years old – he knew to look both ways and all that._

_Summer was almost over, but Jensen and his instant best friend had spent nearly all of it together. Jensen bounced between feet until his mother appeared behind him and patted his back. “Okay, go on now. Sheri knows you’re coming?” Sheri was Jared’s mother. Jensen liked her. She was a good cook. Better than his own mom but he knew better than to say that aloud._

_“Yep,” he answered. There were many times that Jay came to his house when Jensen hadn’t told his mom in advance. Never mattered._

_Jay met him at the front door and they shot around instantly toward his back yard. Distantly he heard the door to his own house shut._

_“Watcha wanna do?”_

_Jensen eyed his friend. “Ninja?”_

_Jay turned to him with a wicked gleam, arms moving out in attack mode. “Ninja spy. We could infiltrate the enemy. Steal their top secret documents and hand them over to the Justice League.”_

_Jensen’s face broke into a huge smile. “I call superpowers.”_

_“Me, too.”_

_“Invisibility.”_

_Jared’s eyes darted as he thought it through. “Mindreading.”_

_“Mindreading? That’s cheating. You’ll know where it is without even looking that way. Besides, how’d you know I’m not lying to you?”_

_“Because you’ll promise to tell me the truth. Pinky promise.”_

_Jensen touched his pinky against the smaller boy’s. “Pinky promise.”_

This was ridiculous. Unless … yes, of course. This boy must be related to Jared. Maybe he was his nephew or … his son. It’s not like being gay meant Jared couldn’t have a child.

“Are you related to Jared Padalecki?”

The boy’s eyebrows drew closer and he peered at Jensen from behind fringy bangs. “I _am_ Jared Padalecki. You know that, Jenny.”

“You mean you share the same name. Is that your dad’s name, too?”

“My daddy’s name is Gerald.”

“But that’s not possible. Jared would be thirty years old. Same as me.”

The boy’s eyes got impossibly wide. “Wow … are you really _that_ old?! That’s like … wow. You are really old.”

Yeah. Wiseass didn’t begin to describe this child. “C’mon kid. Who are you really? This isn’t funny anymore. I bet your folks are worried about you.”

A soft voice interrupted them. “Jensen, who are you talking to?”

Katie stood in his doorway, eyes looking around. Jensen looked from her back to Jared. But Katie seemed to be looking right through the boy.

He fought the shiver running up his spine. “Katie, this little boy is Jay … um, Jared. He must have wandered in here.”

She looked at him, mouth opening in a funny way. Like she forgot what muscles she needed to close it again.

“Jensen. What little boy? We’re alone.”

Jensen gaped back at her. Turned again to Jay. “He’s right there. Jay, say something.”

Jared looked at Katie. “Hi,” he offered.

Katie continued to look at Jensen ignoring Jared completely. “Jensen. Are you okay? You’re scaring me.”

Jared walked closer to Katie. “Hi lady. I’m right here.” He went to touch her but his hand disappeared when it reached her.

Jensen moved quickly and grabbed Jay’s arm. It was solid. Warm. They stared at each other before returning their gaze to Katie.

“Neat!” Jared exclaimed. “I’m flippin’ invisible, dude. This is great.”

Jensen stared incredulously. Katie looked like she was about to burst into tears. Damage control. Jensen needed to get her out of here. Needed to stop hyperventilating. Needed to figure out just how insane he was before he was carted off.

“Katie. I’m sorry. The … boy was here before. He must have run off again. Probably spotted his parents looking for him … um, he saw them out the window. Bet he’s back with them right now.”

“Jensen,” Katie said slowly. As if Jensen spoke a foreign language and couldn’t understand normally paced speech. “I came by to be sure you didn’t stay here all night. Genevieve is waiting downstairs. Would you like to go grab some dinner with us?”

Jensen weighed his options. He decided a little truth was his best bet. “You know, I … would … really. But I can’t. Shouldn’t. I was in a car accident yesterday night.”

“What?! Jensen, are you … ?” Katie started to reach for him but Jensen stepped back without thinking.

“Yes. I’m fine. Car was totaled but I got nothing worse than a headache and nosebleed.” And apparitions apparently. But best to leave that tidbit out right now.

Jensen shifted his eyes left. Jay was trying to spin Jensen’s office chair but his little hand kept swiping ineffectually right through it. Frustrated, the boy jumped to sit on it. Jensen waited to see if he’d fall right through back to the floor, but he didn’t. Their eyes met as Jared sat in the seat and tried again to get it to move with no effect.

“Huh,” Jay said. “Well, we’re getting the rules, I guess. Always are rules.”

_“You can’t change things up now. The Blue Ninja can turn invisible only when the moon is out.”_

_“Except when he’s got the dagger of Plantos and uses it against the mist creature.”_

_“What?! That’s cheating! Plantos’ dagger only allows the mist creature to have form long enough to be killed. It doesn’t give anyone invisibility!”_

_Jensen’s lips turned up in a smirk as he drew the small plastic dagger forward into the air. “Yeah, well, my momma says rules are to be broken.”_

“Katie. Thanks, really. Go have a nice dinner. I’m going to head home and … rest.”

She quirked one brow up. “You’re really going home, right? This isn’t some crazy attempt to get me to leave so you can work all night?”

For a split second he thought of all that he hadn’t finished yet. But then his eyes caught on Jared scrambling off his chair.

“I’m hungry, dude. Why don’t we go eat with the pretty lady?”

Jensen fought the panic. He spoke directly to Katie and prayed Jay would understand. “I have food at home.” Katie stared at him. “I mean. If I was hungry and wanted to eat. There’s food at home. Where I’m going. Home. Um, to eat.”

Any other time Jensen would have been indignant at the questioning-his-sanity-look Katie gave his perfectly lucid statement. Except. He was sure he’d see the same expression if he looked in a mirror right now. “Okay. Good. Well, I’ll see you on Monday. And Jensen, stay home tomorrow. It’ll keep. Really.”

She shook her blonde head and walked out after giving him one more last worrying look.

“So what do you have?”

He turned back around. “What?”

Jay smiled at him, dimples forming. “To eat. I’m starving.”

_Jared was a small boy. Slight and not too tall. Jared’s father was a giant. He was the tallest man Jensen’d ever seen. It was hard to imagine Jay like that. But Jay’s grandfather was a giant, too, so Jensen knew it was likely his best friend would grow up tall._

_Immediate lack of stature notwithstanding, Jay could eat three times his size. The boy was always hungry. It made their mothers smile indulgently and pile more food on his plate._

_“Ugh … I think I’m gonna throw up.”_

_Jensen pushed the drippy plate of melting ice cream away. A late summer thunderstorm had cut the power and so Jared was making a valiant effort to not waste any food by eating up all the ice cream in both their family freezers._

_“Just gonna melt anyway. Might as well eat it.”_

_Jensen had really had his fill. He pushed his plate toward his friend. “Go for it.”_

_Jay’s smile brightened. Who needed electricity next to this?_

Jensen shook his head and gathered some documents off his desk, slipping them silently into his messenger bag.

“Jenny?” Jensen turned and waited. “You’re gonna let me come home with you, right?”

What could Jensen say? That Jared wasn’t real. That he was a concussion-induced hallucination. Bright eyes stared at him looking a little … scared.

“Sure, Jay. C’mon. What are you hungry for?”

Jensen didn’t know if the boy could eat given how things passed through him. A small hand reached up and touched his. He hesitated a moment and then engulfed it in his own. He wasn’t sure if being solid to the figment of his imagination was a good thing or not.

**Chapter 3**  
 ****

Jay bounced around the apartment trying to touch things unsuccessfully. Yet he could sit on things and walk on the floor without falling through it. Made no sense. Although, the incongruous rules governing the physical interactions of an apparition that can’t be real didn’t matter that much in the scheme of things.

Jensen wasn’t surprised that Jared couldn’t eat. The boy couldn’t pick up food any better than he was able to pick up anything else. Which was, not at all. Jensen even tried to feed him food but it would vanish upon reaching his lips. Jay twisted in disappointment.

“I’m gonna starve.” This was said plaintively and not like someone that truly feared something.

“I doubt that,” Jensen answered.

“How do you know?”

“You’re not really here, Jay. You can’t be.”

Jay nodded in a sage-like manner. He looked wiser than his years. That made Jensen curious. “How old are you?”

“Eight.”

Jensen studied the boy. “You look … a little older than when I first saw you.”

“I was six, then.”

“You aged two years since I first saw you?”

Jared nodded. “I guess.”

Jensen thought about this. But he had nothing.

“What are we going to do about my starving?”

“I don’t think—“

“So then what’s to do around here?”

Jensen started a little. “Do?” He didn’t spend all that much time in the apartment. Mostly he was at work.

“Yeah. Y’know. Got any games?”

“No. Not really.” He thought he could probably scrounge up a deck of cards. He must have one. Everyone did, right?

“So what do you have to play with?”

“Jay, I get that you’re still a kid. But as you noted I’m, uh, old and stuff. I don’t really play anymore.”

Jared’s eyes lasered in on him. “Not at all?” Incredulity leaked off him.

“Not really. Mostly I work.” His mind flashed to all that he had to still accomplish. It was early enough to get a little more done. “Speaking of which … I really should try to get in a few more hours. I can turn on the TV for you.”

Jared approached Jensen’s large flat screen and tried to run his finger along its thin end. His finger went right through it. “Huh. Skinny. Neat.”

“Yeah. So you want me to put on the Cartoon Network or something?”

Jared looked at Jensen again. “You’re really gonna work, Jenny?”

“I have to … at least for a few hours.”

His young friend looked bummed, lower lip protruding. “Well, I guess I’ll go then.”

Jensen blinked. And Jared was gone.

Jensen walked straight to his kitchen and pulled out an old bottle of Jack Daniels from his cupboard. He didn’t drink much. But tonight. He kinda thought he was due one drink.

– – –

The hallucination stayed gone and every minute Jensen wasn’t seeing things he shouldn’t be seeing made him feel better. It was all because of the concussion, had to be. The doctor probably just underestimated how hard he’d hit his head. Now that time was passing he was simply healing on his own and he wouldn’t be seeing any more things that weren’t there. Nosiree.

Sunday passed quickly and uneventfully. Just like Jensen liked it. He took Katie’s advice and didn’t go into the office. He put in some hours on his home computer and then went out and took a walk. It never got truly cold in Dallas but in February it was cooler and the crispness of the air felt good.

_“I wish we lived somewhere else.”_

_“Yeah? Where?”_

_“Dunno. Somewhere with real seasons. This sucks.”_

_“But we get to play outdoors whenever we want.”_

_“I guess.”_

_“ ’Member the snow, Jay?”_

_It had snowed in February. That had been so cool. Jared looked at him with the hugest smile ever. “That was great.”_

_“Maybe we’ll get it again this winter.” It was early October now and the weather was warm and comfortable, just starting to dip a bit cooler in the evenings. Jensen thought about Christmas. He’d never had a white Christmas._

_“Wow … that would be fantastic.”_

It hadn’t snowed that Christmas but Jensen received a Nintendo Game Boy which way made up for Mother Nature’s failings. He and Jared had been glued to the thing for weeks and then in the spring Super Mario Land came out and Jared had begged his folks to get it. They hesitated a little since Jared didn’t own the Game Boy but he said Jensen was sharing his. They pretty much shared everything and after some discussion with Jensen’s parents everyone split the costs and the sharing was official.

So the handset bounced between them. The boys tended to bop back and forth between their houses, always begging to spend the night wherever they were last. At one point their moms, Sherri and Donna, joked that they were sharing custody of the boys. Jensen and Jared didn’t quite know what that meant but as long as they got to be together, they didn’t care.

Those early years were easy and laugh-filled. Recalling the uncomplicated camaraderie, Jensen wondered why he’d stopped remembering all this. Now it dominated his thoughts and made it hard to concentrate on the Johnston account. He blinked into the paperwork. Of course, intellectually he knew why he’d bottled all this up. Because if he didn’t then the rest … the _later_ … would come with it. And he couldn’t, wouldn’t, deal with that.

By midweek Jensen realized that it was unlikely he’d make his self-imposed Friday deadline. Jeff came by to check on progress. “Just need to work on the ten-year out projections. And nail the five new manufacturing sites he could consider.”

“All outside the U.S.,” Jeff stated soberly.

Jensen nodded. He wished he could have found a U.S supplier, but there was no way to meet the profit margin Johnston wanted unless the job was farmed out overseas.

“So don’t do it.”

Jensen jumped as the young voice rang out.

“Jensen, you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

Jensen flustered. “Fine. Just tired.”

“Listen … I have to ask … Samantha’s been on me about this because she doesn’t want us getting involved with anything that could smack of child labor.”

“Child labor? What’s that?”

Jensen ignored Jay. “I’ve done the best due diligence I can, Jeff. The information provided by the governments promise basic child rights protections. They don’t have our laws and we can’t impose all our labor guidelines but as far as I know we won’t be recommending any facilities that exploit children.”

“You’re gonna have kids make the clothes? Like … in factories?!”

“Shut up.”

“Jensen? I didn’t say anything. You know how Samantha is about these things.”

“Jenny … that’s your job? What you spend all day doing. Figuring out ways to get kids to work in factories?”

Jensen peered angrily at where Jared stood. He was a bit taller. Looked about ten. He was holding a Ninja Turtle in his hand. Donatello. “Hey. That was mine.”

“What was yours?”

Jeff.

“I … Maybe I need some coffee or something. You want anything, Jeff?”

Jeff gave him a puzzled look. “Pretty cold out there today. You got a scarf? You can borrow mine.”

Jensen waved him off. “ ‘S just down the block.”

He stepped around Jeff and took off not bothering to look if a certain floppy-haired kid was following.

In the doorway facing the sidewalk Jensen stopped and looked down. “You’re back.”

“Looks like.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why am I seeing you again?!”

“Dunno. Guess we’re not done yet.”

Jensen shoved his hands in his pocket and headed toward the Starbucks. He felt a tug on his arm.

“Can we hold hands? You’re the only thing I can touch.”

Big blue-gray eyes pierced him. When had he ever been able to deny those eyes anything?

_“Megan wants to play again.”_

_“Crap. No. Girls can’t play. Them’s the rules.”_

_“She’s not a girl, she’s my sister.”_

_“I have a sister, too, and you don’t see her taggin’ along where she’s not wanted.”_

_“Yeah, well, your sister is a real girl. You know Meggie. She’s more boy than you are, Jenny.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“Make me.”_

_“I’m calling Black Ninja.”_

_“No fair, dude. You got to be Black Ninja last time.”_

_“Tough.”_

_Jay looked resigned. “I call Fire Ninja.”_

_They both turned to Megan who had sidled up behind Jared. She’d gone through a growth spurt and was just about Jay’s height now. Slightly shorter than Jensen. Jensen looked at her with narrowed eyes. “Who will you be?”_

_She lifted her curved nose higher. Same nose as Jared’s. “I’m Rainbow Ninja.”_

_Jensen scoffed. “Rainbow Ninja?! What kind of lame Ninja is that? What’s it do, shoot puppies at people?”_

_Megan stared at him hard. “Her special powers are super special. She shoots happy faces.” Both boys sniggered. “Oh, yeah, Black Ninja? My powers turn evil into happy. Meaning you will be useless.”_

_Jensen kept smiling. “Gotta catch me first.”_

_And it was on. They chased each other through the Ackles back yard. Screeching so loud dogs would howl. Jared shot out fire balls and volcanoes. Jensen fought back by creating darkness pools and tornadoes. Megan would undo it all with her happy rainbow beams, temporarily disarming Jensen. He’d have to wait a certain amount of time to recharge and avoid getting hit with fireballs while he was in his ‘happy’ non-evil phase. Jared found this hysterical and kept after him relentlessly._

_Jensen played along and started singing dopey Kindergarten songs. Eventually the game was called on account of giggling overdose. Jensen’s tummy started to hurt from laughing so hard._

For a fleeting moment he wondered what happened to Megan. Was she married now with a son of her own? Did he look like Jared?

As Jensen opened the door, the warmth of the Starbucks struck him at once. Wow. It really was oddly cold outside for Dallas, even in February.

Jensen stood in line trying not to look like there was an invisible person next to him. He felt a little guilty he couldn’t offer Jared anything, but really the kid couldn’t drink or eat.

When it was his turn Jensen smiled at the barista. She stared at him blankly. “I’ll have a half-caf, half decaf Americano, room for milk, Grande but in a Venti cup. Don’t want it to spill.”

“That’s it?”

Jensen gave her a studied look. “Extra hot.”

She turned her back to place the order.

He picked up his coffee and walked to the service station where he could doctor it the way he liked it. One Splenda, half a regular sugar and a little skim milk. Jay watched him throughout.

“You’re weird.”

“Hey! That’s not nice.”

Jared shrugged. “It’s true.”

“At least I’m real.”

Of course, that’s when Jensen turned around to spot the two employees staring at him, eyes wide. He was the only customer at present. Flushing, he touched his ear and mouthed ‘phone call’. Of course, he wasn’t wearing an earpiece.

Christ, they were still staring. It was cold out and he didn’t want to head back to the office with Jay but he couldn’t stay here either. Frowning, he left the Starbucks.

“Where we goin’ Jenny?”

“Back to the office.”

“Nah … c’mon let’s go have some fun.”

“I can’t. I have too much work to do.”

Jay frowned. “Right. Sending children to work.”

“Stop it. It’s not like that. You can’t possibly understand.”

Jay looked up at him again but then his eyes shifted higher, blinking madly. “Oh my god. Jenny!”

Jensen felt something cold touch his cheek.

“Jenny! It’s snowing!”

Jared pulled away and dashed down the street arms wide, passing through several people. The soft white flakes starting gaining in intensity until they filled Jensen’s vision. Snow? They hadn’t had a true snowstorm in years. He tried to think back. Many years. A flake touched his nose, another twittered past his eyelashes. And something deep inside started to glow.

“Hey. It really is snowing.”

Jay looked back at him. “Coming down fast. An’ it’s sticking. C’mon, Jenny … let’s go play.”

Jensen looked around at the folks stopping in amazement. He was practically in front of his office building again. He should go back up. He had mountains of projections to get through. He wasn’t dressed for this weather, he’d ruin his shoes. He shivered thinking he should have borrowed Jeff’s scarf. A hand tugged his coat. “C’mon … “

“But I don’t have—“

“Don’t matter. C’mon, you wuss. There’s gotta be a park around here.”

“I’m not a wuss. Just wish I had a scarf.”

Jay laughed at him. “Such a girl.”

“Am not.”

Jensen pouted. He took a sip of his coffee which helped warm him. “Okay, small fry. We can head out for a little while.”

Jared’s small fist pumped into the air. They headed to a nearby plaza. The snow was accumulating quicker than Jensen had ever seen in Dallas before. Already traffic was a mess and crawling. Jensen shuddered to think how long his normally easy commute would take this evening.

The plaza was abandoned as folks adjusted to this unexpected turn in the weather, although Jensen noted a few strolling couples and experienced a pang of loneliness. Then Jay’s eyes met his with unabashed joy and the feeling quickly vanished. The kid ran around in circles, kicking up snow. Jensen wondered what it looked like to others. Did they notice the sprays coming up out of nowhere? Or was this really all in Jensen’s head? It hurt to think about so he concentrated instead on the frosty taste of the snow as it hit his slightly upturned lips.

Jay was also trying to catch some on his tongue. “Like a slushy,” he called out. Jared’s giggles filled the space with a soft melodic twang. Like a thousand tiny bells all going at once.

Jensen wondered something. Jay was able to kick up the snow. And taste it. He knelt down and scooped a handful, rounding it carefully. Jared was still distracted trying to eat the snow and so was caught unaware when Jensen let the snowball rip through the air. It hit the boy’s shoulder and splattered with a squish. Jensen gave a little jump. It worked!

Jared squealed in surprise. Then his eyes got dark. “Oh. It is so on.”

Snow spattered wet and wild against his wool overcoat. Jensen bent back down and rearmed. His chest heaved and his eyes watered and his grin couldn’t get any bigger without bursting his face. Muscles he’d forgotten about groaned in protest but, man, this was fun.

Jared had hidden behind a bench, using it as a fort as he quickly amassed his arsenal. Jensen secured his base beside the center fountain. Snowballs flew between them in ever-increasing velocity. Jensen stopped wondering what others saw. It was snowing so hard a few extra flakes could hardly make a difference. The attacks stopped for a moment and Jensen peeked up from his hiding place to see what was up.

A wild howl sounded behind him before he felt the icy snow slam the back of his neck, chilling him bone deep as the frigid mush seeped inside his collar.

“You little—“ He turned and tackled Jared but Jay was armed with one last snowball and he squashed it in Jensen’s hair as they tumbled wildly, indenting a wide swath of snow. Jensen’s breath left him in a quick whoosh and he gulped in wet air as Jared landed full on his chest.

Laughing and working to catch his breath Jensen startled when the weight atop him shifted, grew heavier. Blinking, he saw Jared’s face had lengthened -- as had the rest of him. Long legs tangled his as Jared pushed up with arms now leanly muscled. Oh god. He’d forgotten how sudden Jay’s growth spurt had been the summer he turned fourteen. How he’d gone from small fry to being taller than Jensen almost overnight. How everything changed that summer.

Jensen pushed Jay off and sat up. Jay sat sprawled in the snow next to him. Young again. No more than ten. Jensen swallowed hard.

“Jen, you okay?”

“You … grew.”

“Yeah. A little.”

“No … I mean … never mind.” If Jay didn’t remember he didn’t want to remind him. He didn’t know if Jared was controlling the aging and Jensen certainly didn’t want to give him the idea to turn teenager again. Dammit, this was why he’d kept his memories shut off. He couldn’t handle this.

“I … have to go back to work now.”

Jay pouted. “But … we’ve been having fun, Jen. Kids are supposed to have fun.”

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You told me we’d always be kids, remember?”

Had he said that? He’d said a lot of things to Jared. Things he’d never said to anyone else for all the good it had done him.

Jensen stood and shook off the snow as best he could. He looked down at Jared who was swinging his arms back and forth in the snow. “You gonna be okay?”

Jared’s smile beamed at him counteracting the chill still tickling Jensen’s neck. He smiled back and started to walk away. Impulsively he turned to wave one last time. Two perfect snow angels lay side by side on the cottony ground. And Jared was nowhere to be seen.

– – –

Jensen didn’t have many friends. Those he did have he let in only so far and no farther. It was just the way he was. Trusting too much never came to any good. He considered Katie a friend as well as his assistant. But he couldn’t imagine discussing this with her. That left Jason.

Hesitating, he reached for his cell phone which he’d dropped on the stack of papers on his desk. “Jason?”

“Jensen? Hey, man, been a while. Howya doin’?”

Had it been that long? He thought back. It was February. Yeah. Guess it was still last year the last time he’d seen Jason. Suddenly this seemed like a bad idea. What could he possibly say? “I’m doing okay. I, um had sort of an accident a few days ago.”

Jensen sensed the sudden attention on the other end. “Yeah? What kind of accident? You okay?”

He’d met Jason in college. Other than Jared he’d been the closest to a best friend Jensen’d ever had. He’d come out to Jason before anyone else. Well, not counting his family. And Jay, of course. He trusted Jason. As much as he thought he’d ever be able to trust anyone again. “I’m kinda not. Alright, I mean. I think … I’m not sure what’s wrong.”

“You at work?”

“Yeah. There’s this huge project and it’s taking up all my time. Maybe that’s all this is. Maybe I’ve been working too hard.”

“Takes time forcing children into slavery.”

Jensen jerked around. Jared eyed him with a slight smirk. Unlike Jensen, his clothes were dry, no indication they’d been playing in the snow thirty minutes ago. Jensen considered. Jay was a little taller. Not quite post-growth-spurt. He’d filled out a little. Twelve was the closest to chubby that Jensen had ever seen him.

Bright eyes skewered him. “Who ya talkin’ to?”

“Jensen, let’s meet up. After work? O’Donnell’s … what do you say?”

Jensen forced his eyes away from Jared. “I … can’t. Not tonight. Something … I have someone visiting me. I’m sorry I bothered you. Just too much work an’ it got me … I’m sorry. I’ll call again soon.”

Jason was still speaking when Jensen hung up. But he had no choice. He couldn’t possibly take Jared to a bar and it was becoming harder to pretend he wasn’t there. But how could Jared be here? Was Jensen having a nervous breakdown?

“Am I going crazy?”

“Going?” Jay teased.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

Jensen fought a hysterical giggle. Should he go back to that doctor? The young one? Have him retake the X-rays? Was his head damaged? Hallucinations were possible with a concussion but not for this long. Shouldn’t they … he … Jared … be gone by now?

“C’mon Jenny. It’s been fun, hasn’t it?”

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Do you read my mind?”

Jared smiled at him mysteriously. “Think of a fruit.”

Jensen pictured an apple.

“An apple.”

Jensen blanched and Jay burst into giggles. “No, you dork. I just know you. That’s your favorite. Relax. I can’t read your mind. Although that’s a neat Ninja power. Remember Silver Ninja? Ancient and wise. He read minds.”

Jensen didn’t have an answer for that. He remembered everything. That was the problem.

_“I think Suzie Emerson likes me.”_

_“Yeah, Jen? Her tits got huge this year.”_

_“I know.”_

_“So whatcha gonna do about it? Gonna ask her out or something?”_

_“I dunno. Think I should?”_

_“Yeah. ‘Course you should, you dork. Melons like that. Why not?”_

_“Well, I never, you know.”_

_“It’s not that hard.”_

_They both blushed and then giggled at the unintended double entendre._

_“What would you know?”_

_Jay’s lips twisted in an almost pout. “I kissed Penny Tisdale!”_

_Jensen snorted. “When you were like seven.”_

_Jay didn’t reply but kept looking put out. After a few moments he got quiet before adding. “You should ask her out. Bet you’d be great at kissing.”_

_“Yeah. I will. I guess. Why do you think I’d be good at it?”_

_Jay stared at him a moment. “Got those girly lips.” He burst out laughing._

_“Screw you.”_

Jensen had gone out with Suzie Emerson. And she’d been his first kiss. He’d told Jay it was okay. A little wet. Frankly, he’d thought kissing was overrated. That was before he realized he’d simply been kissing the wrong person.

Katie rapped on his doorway, interrupting his thoughts. “Jensen … it’s getting bad out there. I’m going to head home, okay? Look, everyone’s gone. Go home.”

Jay looked triumphant and Jensen turned away from his smiling face. “Yeah. I … traffic must be horrible. I’m sorry you stayed so long. You should have left sooner.”

She stared at him oddly. “You okay?”

Boy, he was getting asked that a lot. Did insanity show like a neon sign hanging around his head? “Yeah. I’m good.”

“The weather folks say this will be a storm for the books. Breaking all records.”

“It snowed in February before.”

“Yeah? I don’t remember—“

“About twenty years ago.”

“Ah. My family only moved here about ten years ago so that explains … “

“Yeah.”

“It’s pretty. You were out a while this afternoon. When I got back from lunch Jeff said you went for coffee but then you didn’t come back.”

He hesitated, glanced at Jay who remained silent. “I went for a walk. Ended up in the plaza. Haven’t seen this much snow in a while. It was … fun.”

Katie’s smile was super bright. “Sounds good, Jen. Glad you did that.”

She turned to go but Jensen stopped her. “We’re not going to make Friday.” It wasn’t a question but Katie nodded in agreement anyway. She tensed up as if expecting Jensen to yell at her and Jensen felt a nasty tinge at the thought. “Let’s aim for next Friday. Think it’s doable?”

Katie’s eyes widened and her smile returned. “Yeah boss. I do. Very doable.”

He smiled back. Across the room Jay studied him curiously. “Drive carefully. Get home safe.”

“You, too. See you tomorrow.”

The drive home was tedious and slogging and the seat in the rental car just didn’t feel comfortable. After the fifteen minute drive stretched into an hour, Jensen was too tired to be relieved at pulling into his garage. But Jay leapt out of the passenger seat with a bounce and headed for the stairs. “I have an elevator,” Jensen called but Jared was most of the way up already.

Jensen let them both in and was just about to heat up some soup when the doorbell rang.

“Jason?”

“If the mountain won’t come to Mohamed and all that.”

Jensen looked back to where Jay sat on the couch wondering if it would appear as if there was a dip in the sofa cushion. “It’s not the best—“

His friend swept inside looking around. “Houseguest gone?”

Jason was about Jensen’s height with short reddish brown hair and a neat beard. He took off his hat and coat and hung them on the coat hook by the door. Jensen took a deep resigned breath.

“Yes. With the weather turning bad, he, um, left early.”

“Him?” Jason questioned, eyebrow rising.

Shit. He hadn’t meant to … “Yeah. Look it’s not like that … “ But Jensen stopped because Jay was no longer a child. Instead, a tall, slim, built sixteen-year-old stared back at him with a possessive look Jensen thought he’d never see again.

Jay’s drawl made itself known. “Who’s your friend?”

– – –

Jensen poured the soup into two bowls and scrounged around for some bread. He checked for mold. Seemed okay. He placed it all on his small dining table and returned to his kitchen for a couple of beers.

“You sure you don’t want to head out for something more substantial?”

Jason waved him off. “This is fine. Mostly just wanted to see you. What happened, Jen? You sounded upset.”

Jay hovered behind Jason. All sinewy lines and sharp angles. It was one thing to lust after him when they were both fourteen. But Jensen was thirty years old. Twice the boy’s age. God. This was so wrong. “He your boyfriend?” Jay asked.

“What? No.” Soup sputtered out of his mouth. “He’s straight!”

Jason looked up from his bowl. “You mean your houseguest? I didn’t mean to be prying about that.”

“Good,” Jay purred and the heat in the room notched up higher. He walked around to stand behind Jensen, leaning in to speak directly into his ear. “Don’t share well. Never did.”

_Suzie Emerson had become Jensen’s first girlfriend. They dated through most of middle school. And Jay was all for it at first. But then things started to change._

_“I never see you anymore.”_

_“Sure you do. We see each other all the time.”_

_“But on weekends you’re with her.”_

_Jensen had rubbed the back of his head. A nervous gesture. “Yeah. Well, she’s my girlfriend. I’m supposed to see her.”_

_“You say it like you don’t want to.”_

_“I do. I mean most times. Sometimes she … “_

_“She what?”_

_“Never mind.”_

_Jay stepped closer. At fourteen he was slightly taller than Jensen now. Jensen didn’t know it at the time, but Jared would forever be taller. The difference was as yet barely noticeable and so when Jensen turned his head he peered straight into curious hazel eyes. Jared took another step toward him and suddenly the air seemed to thin. Like there wasn’t enough of it to sustain the two of them. Jay licked his lips. “Jenny.”_

_Jensen stepped back. “Don’ … don’t call me that.”_

_Jay blinked and the moment broke. “Sorry. I got chores. I’m gonna go.”_

_Jensen watched his friend practically run out the door and stood stock still staring at the spot where he’d been. He didn’t know exactly what was wrong. Only that it felt like he was hovering over a cliff, about to fall down and there sure as hell wasn’t a net._

“Jensen … dude, you okay?”

Jensen responded to Jason’s inquisitive look. Their soup bowls were empty. Jensen hardly remembered eating. He looked around but didn’t spot Jay. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“What’s this about an accident?”

“It was nothing really. Well … I totaled my car.” Jason looked shocked so Jensen quickly added. “But, I’m fine. As you can see. Not a scratch.”

“When was this?”

“Um, last Friday. Almost a week ago.”

Jason looked hesitant, his eyes avoided Jensen’s. “Jen … were you … had you been drinking?”

“What?! No. You know I don’t do that. I was driving back from a charity event. Had maybe one glass of wine all evening. Anyway, this animal shot out in front of me. Turned out to be a raccoon. I didn’t get a good look. Tried to avoid it and then this cat pops up out of nowhere. Rusty.”

“Rusty?” Jason asked, lips starting to twitch up.

“Shut up. That was the cat’s name. The owners found me after it happened. Their cat ran outside after hearing the raccoon or smelling it or whatever cats do. Anyway, they called the ambulance.”

“Ambulance?! Jen, you said you were fine.”

“I was. I mean, I am. They took X-rays and declared me fine. I had a concussion is all.”

“You know, I always knew you were gorgeous, but, man, you grew up amazing.”

 _Jared_.

Jason stared at him, eyes narrowing. “Are you sure you’re okay? You keep spacing out in this weird way. And on the phone you said something was wrong. I can tell you’re keeping something. C’mon, dude, what’s wrong?”

Jensen refused to look at the six-feet of pure temptation hovering behind him. “Go back to kid-size, please.”

He’d kept his voice low and Jason uttered, “Huh?”

Jensen rose to clear the table and asked Jason, “Did you have a best friend as a kid?”

Jason joined him in the kitchen, placing his used bowl next to Jensen’s. He picked up the dishtowel to dry as Jensen washed. He smiled brightly. “Yeah. Marty Finkle. How ‘bout you? It was that neighbor boy you told me about, right?”

Didn’t take long to wash two bowls. They settled back on Jensen’s sofa with fresh beers. “Jay Padalecki,” Jensen answered, the full name passing his vocal cords for the first time in years. “How long were you and Marty friends?”

Jason took a long draught and put his feet up on the coffee table. “Through middle school I guess. We drifted apart in high school. You know how it is.”

Actually Jensen didn’t. Not really. There had been no drifting. Ripping, maybe.

A low, deep voice asked, “Ask him if he fell in love with his best friend.”

“I can’t do this.” Jensen felt like the floor was about to fall out from under him.

Jason’s arm reached out and squeezed Jensen’s arm in concern. “Jen? What’s wrong, man? I’ve never seen you like this.”

Jensen turned his face toward Jason whose expression warmed with concern . He was a good friend. He’d been there through Jensen’s disastrous attempts at maintaining a boyfriend in college. Never worked. That’s when he decided that dating just wasn’t for him. Easier to just find physical release and move on. No fuss. No baggage.

But this. God, he really couldn’t do this. Those two years of high school. Alone. That shit was locked down tight and needed to stay that way.

_“Tell her no.”_

_“I can’t. How can I? Where will I live? Be reasonable.”_

_“Reasonable?! You’re leaving me!”_

_“I’m not. Not like that.”_

_“It’s five thousand miles. Across a fucking ocean … Jay … it’s exactly like that.”_

_“Jen. I have no choice. You know this.”_

_“Yes you do. Say ‘no’.”_

“Since the accident I’ve been … thinking about someone that I haven’t thought about in a long time.”

Jason studied him. “The kid you grew up with. The one you told me you figured out … um … stuff with?”

“Yeah. Him.”

“What about me?” Jay sat on the coffee table, bending forward slightly. Jensen fought back the panic. Swallowed hard. Jason didn’t see him. He wasn’t really here.

“It’s just we parted … not so good and I guess … don’t know … maybe the accident just helped bring things up.”

“What do you mean, we parted?” Jared’s eyes widened.

Jensen stared at Jay. “You don’t know?”

Jason answered, “No. I never knew all that. You hardly spoke about it.”

Jared shook his head.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Jensen asked Jared.

Jared blushed. “Us … you know … fooling around. Trying things.”

Jason’s voice caught Jensen’s attention and he forced his eyes back to his friend. Jason answered the question unknowing it hadn’t been directed at him. “You told me that you’d figured out you were gay when you were attracted to the boy across the street. Once, when we were trashed, you told me you lost your virginity with him. Where’s all this coming from, Jensen? Like your life flashed before your eyes during the accident?”

Jensen turned back to Jay and stared into the confused eyes of the boy he’d once loved more than anything. “Something like that.”

“So what happened with Jay?” Jason asked softly. “You never said how you broke up.”

“He left,” Jensen said simply.

Jared’s eyes turned liquid. “I would never have left you.”

“Where’d he go?” Jason asked softly.

Jensen tore his eyes away from Jared’s. “Away from me.”

“Well, you know, if you’re thinking about him … maybe you should do something about it. Get closure or whatever. Do you know where he is now?”

Jensen started at Jason’s words because Jay was sitting right in front of him now. Except. That wasn’t exactly true. “You mean … find him now?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

The conflicting words pelted Jensen from both sides. He turned to Jason who was nodding his head affirmatively with vigor. His friend continued. “Sure. Why not? Sometimes it’s best to close doors all the way, you know? I get the impression that this guy is your ‘what if’. Who knows? He could be fat and balding and married or something now. Or maybe he’s been thinking about you, too. Only one way to know for sure.”

Jared stood up and paced. He repeated his objection. “No. Don’t do that.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“I think you should,” Jason repeated. “Maybe he’s thinking about you, too, and … well, you might hook up again. Or … he’s got someone and you’ll know that chapter is over. I think maybe what has you all … like this … is the not knowing.”

Jensen turned back to Jared as the teenager continued to shake his head no. “I can’t explain … it’s a bad idea. Don’t Jenny. Don’t do it.”

**Chapter 4**  
 ****

Jensen urged Jason to spend the night given the bad weather. He brought out the bedding and proceeded to set up his sofa best he could into a bed. It was long and wide and Jensen had taken enough naps on it himself to know it was pretty comfortable.

He glanced out the window, Jason peering with him. “Wow. Can’t believe this storm.”

He agreed with his friend’s assessment. A quick glance around showed that Jay was missing. Good. He couldn’t handle teenage Jay and Jason at the same time. He made quick work of getting ready for bed. He was rummaging in his dresser drawer for an old pair of sweats to sleep in when a soft voice made him jump.

“You look so different all grown up.”

“Goddammit, you have to stop doing that.”

Jensen spun around. Jared was shorter again. Jensen did his best to guess at his age and came up with around fifteen. Lanky and slight. Muscles not yet there. Body trying to grow into its sudden height. Jay was wearing his favorite Cowboys sweatshirt and a baggy pair of jeans that hung ridiculously low on those impossibly slim hips.

He gazed at Jensen with an achingly familiar confused intensity. Eyes darting around like they didn’t know where to settle. Like it hurt to stop any place too long. Jensen remembered that feeling.

“Jay. You can’t stay here. You shouldn’t be here.” Jensen kept his voice soft so that Jason wouldn’t hear him.

“I don’t have anywhere else to go,” Jay pouted.

Jensen sighed deeply and pulled on his sweat pants suddenly very aware of his state of undress. He tugged a t-shirt on, too. Damn. From sleeping naked to fully dressed. He scooted onto his bed and quickly drew the cover over him. Even dressed he felt exposed. Jay perched on the edge looking hesitant. Jensen indicated it was okay for Jared to sit. The boy propped himself up and sat legs criss-crossed on top of the blanket, elbows on his thighs and chin balanced in his hands. Jensen stared at his long fingers a moment before refocusing.

“Where do you go when you vanish?” Jensen asked.

“Nowhere.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It’s nothing. There’s just nothing.”

Jensen nodded although he didn’t understand.

A yawn escaped. Man, it had been a long day. A really long week. He stretched out and ignored the boy staring down at him. In the distance he heard a persistent sound. High-pitched and rhythmic. He guessed it was the snow plows circling around outside.

Jay turned around and sat up next to him, leaning back on the headboard.

“Do you sleep?” Jensen asked.

“I don’t think so. Maybe.”

“It’s like a dream,” Jensen mumbled, more to himself than anyone else. “Only … I’m not sure I wanna wake up.”

A warm, large hand reached out and brushed against his hair. “It’s okay, Jenny. Sleep now.”

_“You shouldn’t be in here.”_

_“Why?”_

_“You’ll catch it.”_

_“Nah. Can’t. My momma said I already had the Chicken Pox. Before we ever moved here. Can’t get it again.”_

_Jensen nodded. Tried to turn against his pillow to quench the itch. God, this was awful._

_“You look horrible, dude.”_

_Jensen snorted. “Thanks.”_

_“I brought your homework and notes and stuff.” Jay squirmed, moving awkwardly from foot to foot. Looked like he was trying to say something._

_“What?”_

_His friend pulled out a folded piece of paper. “This is from Suzie,” he said finally, into the prolonged silence._

_Jensen took the note. Suzie’s over-large curly handwriting filled the page. Flowers and hearts and the words ‘Get well soon.’ He didn’t know if Suzie ever had the Chicken Pox before. He hoped she hadn’t. He really didn’t want her here._

_“Guess she’ll be visiting soon,” Jay said._

_“Hope not.”_

_Jay’s eyes jumped to his. “What do you mean?”_

_Jensen pulled back. Felt awkward suddenly. “I mean. I don’t want her to catch this.”_

_“Right. Of course.” Jay looked around. “Well … I guess I should go. Right?”_

_“No. I mean. Do you hafta? We could watch a video or something.”_

_Jay’s eyes lit up. “T2?”_

_“Sure,” Jensen nodded. Was never a time he wasn’t up for that. He shifted his pillows against the wall and they sat watching side by side._

Jensen didn’t remember dozing off that long ago night. But he did remember waking up to Jay touching his hair, rubbing his hands absently through the short locks and scraping his scalp gently. He was able to return to school a full week later. And he broke up with Suzie Emerson before that following weekend.

– – –

Jason left early the next morning so he’d have time to head home to change before work. Jensen was pleased that the roads were pretty passable. Looked like the storm was over and all that was left was cleanup. He pulled into his parking space and quickly worked his way up to his office. There was so much to do.

So far, he hadn’t seen Jared that morning. The last thing he remembered was fourteen-year-old Jared touching his hair. Both in the past and in the present and the blurring of the two was starting to seriously scare him. Jason’s words rang in his head. _Find Jared now_. Could he? Past Jared didn’t want him to. And that shouldn’t make a difference but it did. Did he know something? That had to be it. Jared must know that today’s Jared had no interest in being contacted by Jensen.

Jeff’s deep voice interrupted Jensen’s thoughts. “Jen, Johnston called.”

Jensen was immediately alert. Why had he called Jeff and not Jensen directly? “Yeah?”

“He got those early projections you sent over.” Jeff paused, looked down. Jensen toyed with the pen in his hand waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. “He asked if we could knock five percent more off.”

“Dammit, Jeff … what the hell does he want?! You can’t produce the clothes for free. What kind of profit margin is he looking for anyway?”

“I know … I know … Look, just do what you can. I’ll talk to him again.”

Jensen fought off the frustration. He was not going to lose this account. He’d fought too long and too hard for it. He drew up his spreadsheets again and started reevaluating. Katie wouldn’t like what he was doing but this was his job. And it’s not like he was running the business. Just presenting the figures. They could go lower. And it was legal. Not like he made the rules or ran those nations.

Truth was there was very little under his control. Sometimes you just had to deal with the reality of a situation.

_“How ‘bout Stephanie Kaplan?”_

_Jay twisted his lips in a way that showed displeasure. “She smells.”_

_Jensen thought about this. “No, she doesn’t. I mean … I never noticed … really?”_

_“Okay. Maybe not … I just … don’ feel like asking her.”_

_“You gotta ask somebody.”_

_“Why?”_

_“What do you mean why? Because it’s … it’s normal.” He peered at his best friend. “I’m already back in the saddle. Your problem is you’re just scared.”_

_Jay’s petulant gaze locked on his. “Am not. That’s not it. I just … maybe I’m a late bloomer.”_

_Jensen nearly spit back out the soda he’d been drinking. The laugh burst out. “Where’d you get that from? Your grandma?”_

_“Shut up.”_

_Jensen sobered up some. He didn’t understand his friend’s aversion to asking a girl out. It’s not like he was shy about anything else. Hell, Jensen had broken up with Suzie months back and been out with like five different girls since. Made his dad and older brother smile each time he mentioned having another date. The only one that didn’t smile was Jay._

_“You gotta just get out there. Girls like you, Jay. No reason to be shy about it.”_

_Jared lifted off the bed and went to slip another tape into the deck. “Why do you care so much about it?”_

_“Don’t want you to die a virgin is all.”_

_Jay’s eyes grew huge. “You … I thought you said you and Suzie didn’t—“_

_“We didn’t. Well, not all the way. But that’s not the point. Ain’t ever gonna happen if you don’t even get to first base.”_

_“I guess.”_

_“Exactly. ‘Sides you don’t want anyone to talk.”_

_Jared stopped fiddling through the cassettes. “Talk about what? Folks are talkin’ ‘bout me?”_

_Jensen opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Nobody had said anything. Well, Jensen’s father had made a comment to his mother. But he wasn’t about to share that. “No. ‘Course not. That’s not what I meant.”_

_Jay’s eyes skewered his. “What aren’t you telling me? Who’s talking about me?”_

_“Nobody. Really. I don’t know why I said that.”_

_It was dropped but Jensen couldn’t get Jared’s scared look out of his mind. Or his father’s words about how it was getting ‘unnatural’ how little interest Jared had in girls._

When Jensen returned from an afternoon break to Starbucks (Quad Venti cinnamon dolce soy latte, no whip. Extra hot.) Jay was at his computer.

“Thirty-three cents an hour? My allowance was more than that.”

Jensen studied the boy who was trying unsuccessfully again to spin the office chair. Still about fifteen. Face thin and long, cheekbones impossibly high and striking. Eyes piercing him now with a familiar insistence.

“The cost of living is cheaper.”

“These are the places our parents were always telling us to eat for, remember? Because of the starving kids in Bangladesh.”

Jensen looked away, it was cloudy outside. Gray and sooty. The snow was melting and dissolving into smoke-colored puddles. He glanced at his shoes, frowned at the rings of white. “You don’t know anything.” He brought the coffee to his lips and gasped at the sudden pain. For the first time in freakin’ ever they actually made it extra hot. “Dammit,” he uttered, tongue brushing over his stinging lips.

Head going back up he caught Jared staring. Hazel eyes glued to Jensen’s mouth where his tongue was still partially out working over the burn. Jay’s own tongue shot out and licked his own lips, teeth biting down over his lower lip. “Don’t do that,” Jensen sputtered. Only his voice held no more conviction now than it did fifteen years ago.

_They hardly fought. Not really. Not with intent. Sure there were the Donatello wars back when they were both nine and the true owner of the Ninja Turtle was up for debate. A consequence of sharing too many toys and living in each other’s back pockets as their mothers described it. But this was different._

_“You’re always fucking going out. I thought you said we could hang tonight?”_

_“We can. Come with us. It’s a party, Jay. It’s what kids do.”_

_Jay slung his backpack higher on his shoulder. “I go to parties.”_

_“Yeah. When I drag you. What’s going on with you? You don’t want to go anywhere lately. You’ve been acting … “_

_“What?! I’ve been acting what?”_

_Jensen hesitated. “Weird.”_

_Jay pounced at that. “I don’t know what else I can do. You wanted me to ask someone out and I did. We went out. Not my fault Laurie decided to call it quits. Maybe I suck at dating, okay. Maybe my breath is bad and I can’t kiss and I smell too horrible. Maybe I’m boring or stupid. Maybe I’m just not into—“ Jared cut himself off, he dropped his bag and approached the see-saw. They were cutting through the park, past the playground on the way home. The weather was nice enough now to walk and when they didn’t have practice they’d walk home together. Happened less as the number of after school activities grew._

_Jensen had known Jay since he was six years old. And it had been years since he’d seen him cry. But now, sitting on that see-saw Jensen saw his friend’s eyes well up like a dam had busted behind them. It left Jensen feeling breathless and shaky and scared. More scared than he remembered feeling in a long time._

_He walked closer and put a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Not into what?”_

_Jensen didn’t think Jared would answer. Really, he didn’t want his friend to answer. Didn’t want to know. Not aloud. Not for real._

_Jay stood suddenly and Jensen was surprised anew at being shorter than his friend. He had to tilt his eyes up to meet Jay’s. It did something to him knowing this. Something odd and unexpected and frightening. Everything seemed scary suddenly. Jensen looked around, unsure why they were alone. The sky had clouded up so maybe that’s why there were no kids around. As if in answer he felt a fat drop hit his cheek._

_“It’s raining,” Jensen said softly. Jared’s eyes glistened blue-green and blended with the moisture now trickling down his chin._

_“Jen … I …don’t think I like girls.”_

_The rain fell heavier and the heavens roared as if in punctuation to Jared’s pronouncement. Jensen didn’t ask what Jared meant. Fear had him in a tight vice and it felt like he might scatter like the raindrops striking his face. “How … how do you know?”_

_Jared smiled slightly, looking both young and old at the same time. Like he existed now and in the future and all the moments in between. Like he could stop time._

_“Because of this,” he whispered before leaning in and pressing his lips to Jensen’s._

_Jensen thought he should be thinking no. Should pull back. Should shout and scream and shove Jared away. None of that happened. It clicked like a lock in a door. A riddle solving. Like the raindrops forming the sea. He parted his lips and tasted mint and chocolate and_ Jared _. Wrong ceased to exist. And the world twisted until up was down and standing was flying._

_Heat blazed low in his gut, filtering out the cold rivulets of water trailing from his wet hair. He pulled Jared closer and let himself be held tighter than he thought imaginable. Jay let out a small moan that became Jensen’s entire world. He explored Jared’s mouth and lips and neck and cheeks. Nipping and lapping and inhaling because kissing Suzie and Karen and Josephine and Brenda and Catherine and Jennifer had been okay. Nice. This was astonishing. They panted into each other trying to slow down, to breathe. Because it was too much. Too hot. Too fast._

_Jared pulled back first. Eyes popping. “I thought … I thought you’d hit me.”_

_Jensen smiled. A smile so deep he felt it like sunshine blossoming out of his chest. “Want me to?”_

_Jared laughed. Full and deep and wonderful. He pulled at Jensen’s tee-shirt. “We’re getting soaked.”_

_Jensen shook his hair dog-like, watched water spray out from him in an arc. The motion calmed him. But the heat still simmered. “C’mere,” he said in a voice hardly recognizable as he tugged Jared back to him, pulled his mouth back to his._

_Later. Alone in his room with his thoughts and the slow return of sanity, Jensen would realize that they’d been making out in the middle of the playground. In the afternoon. Later, the panic would set in and he’d vomit his dinner in the bathroom in a cold sweat, unable to look either of his parents in the eye. Now, though, there was only the delicious heat of discovery and the magic of sharing the same breath with someone he cared more about than anything he could imagine._

– – –

Katie returned the spreadsheet. “I agree, Indonesia is our best bet.”

Jensen nodded. It was true. Cheapest labor costs. He refused to look into the accusing teenage eyes daring him silently from across the room. Eyes back on the PowerPoint he pressed Save As and added the word ‘final’. Katie looked like she was going to say something but bit her lower lip instead. After a few more awkward moments she asked, “They coming in tomorrow?”

“Yep. Nine sharp. We’re more than ready. Thanks.”

She shrugged. It was late, well past nine. Jensen watched Katie fight back a yawn. They’d been at it nonstop for days. Skipping meals. Living on coffee and fumes. Jared had come and gone. Mostly in the office. Jensen hadn’t seen him at home since the night Jason had visited. He hadn’t aged again. Seemed stuck on fifteen. Jensen felt relief at that. Not that one year should make that much of a difference. But it had. It had changed everything.

Katie looked like she was about to say goodnight. Jensen couldn’t say what made him ask his next words. Not like he really was going to do anything about it. “Katie … have you ever tracked down someone? Somebody you used to be friends with but lost track of?”

Blue eyes met his slightly puzzled, eyebrows arcing. “I haven’t, but a couple of my high school classmates found me on Facebook.”

Jensen sucked in a deep breath. Facebook. It couldn’t really be that easy, could it? The computer seemed to glow at him as if trying to get his attention. Jay stalked out of the corner he was occupying. “No, Jen. Don’t. Don’t try to find me.”

“Why not?”

Katie had been partly out the door when she turned back. “Why not what?”

Oh god. He’d nearly forgotten. Lately, he’d been much better at not looking like a crazy man. He fumbled to recover. “Nothing. Just thanks for all your help.”

She swept away with a quick see you in the morning and her usual, “Go home, Jensen.”

Jay rounded on him the minute she was gone. “You can’t do that.”

“Why is it such a big deal if I find you?”

“I don’t mean that. I mean this … presentation or whatever you called it. You’re going to tell that man to make money by hardly paying people anything. It’s … practically slavery. It’s wrong, Jen. And you know it.”

Jensen had forgotten how liberal Jared was for a Texan boy. Well, liberal to a point. Not liberal enough to expose Jensen and himself to what would happen should their secret get out. Or had that been Jensen who’d convinced Jay to be quiet? Sometimes it all blurred.

_“Jay … stop … they’ll see.”_

_“Who cares?”_

_“Who cares?! We do. Don’t we? C’mon. Stop.”_

_Jared pulled away but not before pinching Jensen’s butt. “OW.”_

_“Such a baby.”_

_“That hurt.”_

_Jared laughed. Jensen pouted a few moments longer just to get Jared to laugh again. Best sound in the world. Always had been. Glancing at his watch Jensen disengaged himself from Jared’s octopus arms. “I have to get to practice.” He was on the track team. Jared played basketball. They both were taking honor classes and finding time for anything that wasn’t school was getting hard._

_He managed to squeeze time to see Jared mostly on the weekends. It was easier now that Jensen wasn’t dating anyone. Thank goodness his brother Josh was away at school but his father had noticed. Jensen said he was sorta seeing a girl in school but that her parents were very strict about her going out. His father looked at him a long moment but then shrugged. His mom volunteered to call the girl’s parents but at Jensen’s crimson glow his father stopped her._

_“Donna. Stop. They’ll figure it out. We did,” he added with a low chuckle._

_That stopped further questioning. He knew his father thought he was having a slightly illicit relationship with a girl with rigid parents. It was the first time he’d openly lied to his parents. It was easier for Jared. The late bloomer tag stuck and his parents pushed, but only gently. That short-term gig with Laurie helped and since Laurie had been the one to end it, everyone was treating the whole thing as sensitive. Even Jensen’s father seemed to cut Jared slack about his lack of dating interest, citing how good he was at basketball and how it took practice to get that excellent at anything._

_Jensen knew that Jared practiced. He also knew that he was naturally athletic and tall and was growing into his body with a newfound gracefulness that filled Jensen with a pleasurable pride. There was nothing he liked better than to watch Jared._

_And, of course, nobody really questioned the time they spent together because that’s the way it just always was._

_For the longest time it stayed at kissing. Discovering Jared’s mouth and lips was such a revelation that Jensen really didn’t even want more. Until the day they found themselves studying in Jensen’s room and his mother called out she was taking his little sister Mackenzie to her ballet class. The makeout session started shortly after. Only this time it proceeded from the floor up to the bed and the first time Jensen felt all of Jared pressed up against him, Jared’s erection obvious even through two pairs of jeans, Jensen thought his skin would sizzle and burn right off him._

_That wasn’t the first time he’d experienced an orgasm with someone else. He and Suzie had gotten that far. But that was the first time he realized that coming while rubbing against the hardest, hottest thing he could even imagine was the very definition of mind blowing._

_He panted hard against Jared’s collarbone as the other boy lay like a dead weight on top of him. He shifted and Jay moved off, one leg still covering his. As his thigh brushed past he felt his dick stir again and reached sideways to find Jay’s mouth because it hurt not to touch. The kissing consumed him. Jay’s mouth was wet and sweet and the sheer bliss of his tongue playing with his made his cock granite hard as if he hadn’t just come. He started thrusting against Jared again, looking for friction when Jared suddenly reached down and shoved his hand into Jensen’s pants. The feel of Jay’s warm fingers around him was all it took. The explosion started in Jensen’s toes and rocketed its way up. A groan like a turbine engine escaped his lips as he shot another hot sticky load in Jared’s slightly twisting grasp._

_Lips locked together, Jensen inhaled Jared’s breath into him and reached down blindly, working Jay’s button and zipper down in a harsh tug. Jensen’s hand surrounded hot, shuddering flesh, like silk on steel. He peeked down to see Jared’s dick red and oozing and coming alive in his palm. He smeared the pearls of liquid around, moved his hand like he did when he held his own dick only harder, instinctively reacting to Jared’s small moans. He locked onto Jay’s hazy stare and lost himself in the other boy’s pleasure. It was only minutes until Jay blinked, face flushed, breath erratic and released into Jensen’s hand._

_Jared lifted Jensen’s messy hand up and touched their palms together, mixing their fluids. He kept his eyes on Jensen, pupils huge with only a small ring of blue-green showing before slowly bringing his tongue out to just barely touch the quickly cooling liquid. Eyes daring, Jared put his hand to Jensen’s lips and sucked in air as Jensen licked Jared’s palm. He expected it to be gross. It wasn’t. It was them._

_Laughing, Jay shifted and looked around, finally just wiping his hand on his tee-shirt. Jensen copied the move, causing Jay to scoff. “Hey! Use your own shirt!”_

_“I’ll wash it.”_

_“You better.” Jay leaned in for another kiss. “That felt good.”_

_It was an understatement times one thousand but Jensen simply answered, “Yeah.”_

_Jared looked thoughtful a moment but then his lips quirked. “Guess that was the gayest thing we’ve ever done.”_

_Jensen jerked up. Sure, he knew what they were doing was …_ that _. But he hadn’t said the word aloud yet. Jay put a finger to Jensen’s chin. “Jen. It’s okay.”_

_Jensen let his fear show. This was Jay. No point in hiding. “Will it be?”_

_“I promise.”_

Jensen turned back now to the teenage boy he used to know. “You don’t know anything,” he repeated.

– – –

This time the presentation went off perfectly and Johnston greenlighted the expansion. Jensen knew he’d be incredibly busy the next several months getting things off the ground. He’d be travelling, too, eventually. He wondered what would happen if Jared just popped up on an international flight. Would he materialize right on top of someone? He fought an inner giggle. Would Jensen see Jared on the wing like in that classic Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner?

The Twilight Zone wasn’t a bad way to describe what was happening to him. He hadn’t decided if he was going insane yet or not. He knew the answer lay in Jared. Real Jared. But every time he approached his computer thinking to look him up, the kid would appear and distract him. Sometimes he’d nag him about the project. Make him feel guilty. Other times, he’d beg to play. Get out. Do something.

“God, Jen, you used to be fun. Remember fun? All you do is go back and forth between your office and that boring apartment. Geez, our dads had more fun than you do. They’d get together for game night and bowling night and who remembers what else.”

Jensen ran his hand over his hair and felt a shiver run up his spine because Jared’s voice sounded different. A little deeper. More like he last remembered seeing him.

He turned slowly in his office chair. The young man whining at him was older than he’d last appeared to Jensen. A year older at least. Sixteen. Looking exactly like he did the very last time Jensen saw him, down to the faded Green Day tee-shirt and jeans that still couldn’t help but slide down his hips. Jensen’s heart slammed in his chest as their eyes clashed and Jensen felt heat start to shine.

“C’mon, Jenny, I’m bored. I can’t eat. Can’t touch anything. Except you. Can’t talk to anyone. Don’t work anymore today. Please.”

Jensen stared at his paper-strewn desk.

Jared continued, “You can figure out how to exploit more kids tomorrow.”

Jensen looked up sharply at this, retort ready when he saw the twinkle in Jared’s beautiful eyes. He clicked his computer into sleep mode. “Okay. What would you like to do?”

Jared circled around to Jensen’s side of the desk and leaned his long body over him, arms trapping him on both sides. His words were incongruously innocent versus the jolt of his body looming over Jensen. “What’s this Harry Potter thing I heard some folks talking about?”

Jensen blinked. Tried to remember. The book came out when Jensen was first in college. The first movie shortly before he graduated. A friend had tried to get him to read the book but he resisted. He was dragged to the movies, however. And between the movies and rentals and cable showings he guessed he’d seen all of them in one form or another. Not completely in order. Jensen remembered being amused by the back-and-forth aging of the child actors. Oddly enough that recollection reminded Jensen of the fluidity of Jared’s aging. Well, his Jared hallucination’s aging.

“Will you get older?” Jensen suddenly asked.

Jared peered at him from beneath his wavy bangs. “I don’t know. I don’t control it. At least I don’t think I do. And I don’t know that I want to. I mean, I’m happy now. Although I wish you—“

Jared stopped abruptly and dropped Jensen’s gaze. His face reddened a little. Jensen pushed “Wish I what?”

Those twinkling eyes met his again. “Weren’t so damn old, dude.”

Jensen stood up and nearly knocked the punk down. He wasn’t old. Hell, he hadn’t even technically reached his thirtieth birthday yet. It was next month. He considered himself thirty already though. He knew others held onto twenty-nine but he’d defiantly dismissed it early. Wasn’t sure what it said about him. He’d thought it meant he was mature.

Grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair Jensen shrugged into it quickly. Jay looked at him. “Where we going?”

“Home. I’m going to introduce you to the boy who lived.”

– – –

Jensen knew Jared would enjoy the films. Wizards and flying brooms and schools that taught magic. He was certain that somewhere out there the real Jared had devoured every one of those books. Probably read it before it even hit U.S. shelves.

He turned toward the teenager. “Do you remember London?”

Jay looked at him oddly. “I’ve never been to London.” Jay turned his body fully, eyes questioning him with such heartbreaking innocence. “Is that somewhere we went together?”

Jensen swallowed down a quick spike of bile. No. They didn’t go there together. They spoke about going there. Along with so many other places.

_“France.”_

_“Huh?”_

_“They won’t care there.”_

_“About what?”_

_“About us, Jen. City of love, right? We’ll just be another pair of lovers.”_

_Jensen couldn’t help but smile. Lovers. Well, not quite yet. But almost. They’d become closer than he realized two people could be. He’d tasted every inch of Jared and still craved more. His lips gravitated toward him like they had a mind of their own. Like he was the last drink in a world turned arid. Jay quenched, sated, filled Jensen. Until he thought his heart would burst out of his chest._

_“Wanna?” Jensen asked suddenly before he could give it more thought. Before he could scare himself out of it._

_“Go to Paris? Sure.”_

_“Yeah. That, too. But I meant … be lovers. Make love?“_

_Jared’s eyes turned midnight blue. “Yeah. I want that.” His friend turned serious and lowered his voice slightly. “You know it, um, hurts, right?”_

_Jensen punched his arm. “Yeah. I figured that. But not—“_

_Jared was laughing suddenly. “Oh god, Jen. Your face … “ The giggling continued._

_Jensen tackled him and rolled until they both tumbled on a heap off his bed. Jared was still giggling despite the hard landing, although he was swallowing air. Jensen spoke right into his ear. “I’m gonna fuck you till you forget your name.”_

_That quieted Jared down. He lifted his head and met Jensen’s lips with his and nobody laughed after that. They didn’t make love that day. Or the next, or the following week. It hovered between them like a whisper. A promise. A gift yet to come._

“So what do you remember?” Jensen asked this living tattoo of a memory.

Jay’s eyebrows came together as if this question could only have one possible answer.

“Loving you.”

**Chapter 5**  
 ****

On the heels of the success with Johnston, Mike was made partner and Alona promoted to senior associate. But a lot would depend on Jensen keeping the Johnston account happy.

They went out after work to celebrate the changes. The restaurant was busy with after-work crowds. Country music played over the speakers and the beer flowed easily. Working late, Jensen was the last to arrive. Jared had been in the office but then disappeared. It was for the best. Kid didn’t belong in a bar. Jensen slid into the booth and reached for the beer that had already been ordered for him, throwing Katie a thankful glance.

The sudden voice in his ear made him shudder and slightly splash the liquid against his chin. “Remember that time we got drunk?”

Jay slid in next to him causing Jensen to shift and crowd Katie who frowned at him.

Jensen didn’t answer. Couldn’t. First, he’d look nuts and second, there were lots of times he and Jay had gotten drunk together.

Jay elaborated. “And then fucked like bunnies?”

The room was hot. Sweltering. Jensen opened another button on his shirt. “Hot in here,” he murmured to no one.

Katie agreed. “Then quit trying to sit in my lap.”

Jensen blushed and shoved Jared back over. The teenager lifted himself to sit partially on Jensen’s lap. Then had the audacity to wink at him.

Mike’s voice boomed out from across the table. “Dude, I heard you got the unit costs down to like three cents apiece. Shit, Johnston must want your babies by now.”

Jensen looked toward Mike. That was why they were here. Mike’s promotion. He shifted in the seat. Jay was freakin’ heavy. And the way Jensen’s body was reacting to this … child … was wrong.

_“It says here that usually men have a preference about whether to bottom or to top.”_

_Jensen twisted his lips. “You can’t learn about sex in a book. Just gotta experience it.”_

_Jay raised his eyebrows. “Well, we’ve each tried each. So? What’s your preference?”_

_A blush colored Jensen’s cheeks. It was one thing to have sex and another to dissect it the way Jared was doing. “I don’t know. It was all … “_

_The light filled Jared’s eyes and he bent over to place a kiss on Jensen’s lips. “Amazing? Special? Awesome?”_

_Jensen pulled back and looked at Jay. He knew he was supposed to say something funny. That was his cue and it’s what he did when things got … “It was … more.”_

_Jay blinked in surprise and kissed him again. “I can’t decide,” he said mouth still hovering close, attempting to answer his own question. “I just want you.”_

_“You have me,” Jensen said._

_Jared sat up and leaned against the back wall. Their schoolbooks lay around them. They were supposed to be studying. Except Jay had pulled out the sex-ed book he’d gotten from the public library and they’d gotten distracted with the drawings. He flipped through it again then pointed out a position to Jensen. The men were front to back on their sides, one had his leg up. It was clinically drawn, not particularly warm or tender or even sexy. But Jensen suddenly imagined coming up behind Jared, sucking on his warm neck while he …Then the vision changed in his mind and Jared was filling him slowly from behind, rocking into him._

_“Yeah,” Jensen murmured arms already reaching for Jared again. “That looks good. Wanna feel you inside again. Wanna fill you. God, just want you so much.”_

_The books were tossed off the bed with a thud against the clothes that littered the floor. Jensen’s mother wasn’t expected home for a while. They had time. Jensen let himself go and just felt the pleasure that Jay gave him. Bodies slick with sweat and flushed with desire. Pulling and pushing and grasping. Licks and bites and nails digging in hard muscles. He found himself begging, pleading and he didn’t know for what until Jared’s eyes locked with his and reached for the lube._

_When they were close, when they were one, Jensen let himself open his eyes. They didn’t try the position in the book. Couldn’t see each other that way and Jensen never wanted to not see Jared. See his eyes, his lips, the scrunch of his brows, the red tips of his ears, his hair matted against his forehead, every nerve ending about to shatter as Jared moved inside him. Jensen swallowed Jared’s breath as his orgasm raced through his body, cock pulsing against Jared’s stomach as the friction of their bodies pressing together nearly drove him insane._

_“J—Jay,” he called out knowing that Jared was calling out his name at the same time. Mixed with other words. Words like god and always and love._

_Later they showered and came closer to trying out that front to back position when Jared’s ass rubbing against him proved to be temptation Jensen just couldn’t fight against. Jay turned his head and they struggled to kiss as the water washed over them and Jensen rocked his hips ever faster until he was pistoning uncontrollably into Jared._

_Jensen shouted, “Fuck … I love you,” as he came hard and long against Jay’s trembling back._

_He reached down to be sure that Jared got there, too. Jerking his cock quick till the other boy sagged with a groan into the tile and Jensen had to hold him up by wrapping his hand tight to his abdomen. The water uncomfortably cool, they rinsed off quickly. Jared dried off with quick swipes and wrapped a towel around his middle as Jensen did the same. He was about to head out to dress, knew his mother would be back any minute when Jared stopped him._

_“Jen?”_

_“Mom’s coming back. We have to get dressed.”_

_“Yeah. I know … just. Jen, you said … “_

_Jensen stared at him. “Jesus Christ, Jay, if that’s not obvious by now then what is?” He hadn’t meant to sort of snap. He also hadn’t meant to say it aloud that strongly. His face flushed, not quite embarrassed, just feeling exposed. He ducked his head._

_But Jared always knew how handle Jensen. “Look at me.” Jensen looked up. “I love you, too. And for all the times I didn’t say it I’ve thought it a million times. So … thank you for saying it.”_

_It’s not like Jensen didn’t know Jared loved him. It showed in every touch. He just didn’t know how hearing it would feel. How it worked its way through his blood until every pulse of his heart beat for this boy. His eyes felt wet and hot. “Oh, fuck,” he uttered at his inability to stop acting like a girl._

_Jared kissed him softly. “Gotta get dressed. Come over later? Spend the night? I wanna say it again when I’m inside you.”_

Jensen squirmed in his seat, trying to fight back the memories and the rush of Jay practically sitting on his lap. He bit his lip to stop from turning his head and tasting Jay again. One last time.

Conversation flowed around him.

“Oh that would have been Jeremy Golden. God, I had a crush on him forever. And then we got locked in a closet together during one of those dumb games at a school’s-out-start-of-summer party.” Katie’s voice was filled with laughter.

Mike snorted. “Jeremy Golden? Sounds like a porn star.” He tended toward the vulgar when he drank.

Jensen fought to catch up. Eyes moving over his friends.

Katie leaned forward. “How ‘bout you, Mikey? Who was the first boy you kissed?” She giggled. “No, I guess I gotta ask about a girl.”

Mike winked at her. “You can ask about a boy.”

Her eyes grew huge, a laugh escaping. “You coming out to us?”

Jared shifted off of Jensen and sat perched on the edge of the seat. “Should I be worried about this one, too?” he whispered into Jensen’s ear.

Jensen gave off a quick harsh laugh. “Mike? Never.”

Mike glared at him. “I’m not gay. But if I were I’d be a great gay.”

The fact that that made no sense didn’t seem to bother the other man. Jay giggled in Jensen’s ear, breathy and young. Achingly familiar.

“So who’d you kiss?” Katie asked.

“First girl or boy?”

The teasing continued with Jim confessing to his own drunken mistaken boy kiss in his youth. Jeff claiming that he’d never once confused a boy for a girl and Katie saying she kissed a girl on a dare in college. Alona claimed she was boring because no one ever gave her good dares like that.

“College sounds like fun,” Jay whispered to him. “Where’d we end up going?”

Jensen ignored him and tamped down the stab to his chest. “Katie,” he said instead, turning to his assistant. “What would you do if you ever saw Jeremy Whatshisname again?”

She seemed surprised by the question. “Gee, I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about him in years. Hell, we never even dated after that first time. Maybe he didn’t like how I kissed,” she said solemnly.

“But … if you could find him. Would you?”

Her eyes narrowed as she studied Jensen curiously. He knew he wasn’t acting like himself. The whole notion was romantic and ridiculous and the guy was probably married or in jail or otherwise totally not suitable. A hand squeezed his thigh and Jensen took another drag of his beer. “I have to know,” Jensen said softly looking down at the worn wood table.

Katie touched his arm. “Is this about the guy you wanted to find? Did you try Facebook?”

“I haven’t tried anything.”

“How come?” Katie asked.

“Because I told you not to,” Jared answered, voice loud and clear this time. Not a whisper. It shook Jensen.

“I want to.”

“So do it, Jensen,” Katie urged. “You have nothing to lose. Was this … person … important to you?”

Mike chimed in, “What are we talking about?”

“Nothing,” Jensen and Katie and Jared said at the same time.

Jensen laughed at Mike’s confused stare.

Katie leaned closer and spoke more privately. “What’s stopping you, then? Are you scared?”

Jensen didn’t answer. But Jared said, “Yes.”

– – –

It wasn’t a common name. There were three results on the Facebook search page. Two had profile photos. One did not. The one without a photo lived in Austin, Texas and was also friends with Megan Padalecki. Jensen’s heart stopped.

Oh my god. He’d found Jared. And he was in Texas. He scoured around the public profile but there was almost nothing to see. Jared had four other friends. Clearly he hadn’t embraced the Facebook craze. Jensen had about fifty Facebook friends. And of those only three were actually friends.

He clicked on Megan’s profile. She listed her location as London. Her profile showed she was in a relationship. He stared at her profile photo. She grew up so pretty. She shared so many of Jay’s features. Same high cheekbones, same tip-tilted eyes. Only hers were a solid blue. Not like Jay’s which changed with his mood, with the weather, with the fire in his soul.

“Is that Meggie?”

The voice was soft, tentative. “Yeah. All grown up. Look at her, Jay. She’s beautiful.” Jensen couldn’t stop the emotion from choking him. He swallowed. A long finger tried to touch the screen and disappeared inside it up to the first knuckle. That never stopped being exceedingly weird.

“I found you,” he told Jared. “It says you live here. I mean in America. In Austin.”

Jared’s eyes were on the screen. “Meggie’s in London? Wow.”

Jensen tried to catch Jared’s eyes. “You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“Where you went?”

“You said that before. But I can’t imagine leaving you. How could I leave you? I can’t imagine surviving that.”

_“Jensen, you have to eat.”_

_“Not hungry.”_

_“You haven’t left your room in days. Jenny, please. I know you miss him. I know he was your best friend. I miss him, too. But you’re making yourself sick.”_

_Jensen turned to the wall and ignored his mother’s pleading voice. He hoped he’d get sick. He hoped he’d die. Because breathing hurt too much to bother._

“Yeah, well we did survive. It’s all one can do.”

Jared turned away. Jensen fought back the urge to yell. He needed to know why this was happening. What was the point? Did the cosmos think he forgot? He hadn’t, dammit. He remembered each blessed second he’d had with Jared. And every interminable moment since Jared had walked out of his life.

“How much longer will you be here?! What’s the fucking point?”

Jared took a quick step back. “I don’t know.”

“But you knew you didn’t want me to find you. Why?”

“Be-cause … I think. I’m scared that if you do … I’ll have to leave for good.”

– – –

It was a three hour drive to Austin. Jensen couldn’t stop thinking that. Couldn’t stop imagining what Jared looked like now. Would he be taller? As tall as his father had been? What would those muscles look like all filled out? What would his face look like as a man, all baby fat missing?

Yesterday he’d clicked on a Friend Request for Jared but Jared hadn’t replied. Jay walked around Jensen’s apartment sullenly. He kept saying it was a bad idea to find him but couldn’t say why definitively and in the end Jensen ignored him. He couldn’t even say for certain that teen Jared was really here. It was still very probable that he was some sort of hallucination. Although if that was the case it sure was a potent one.

When he wasn’t sulking around or claiming to be bored or trying to touch things in Jensen’s apartment or office to no avail, Jared was trying his darndest to seduce Jensen. And memories or not, delusion or not, Jensen wasn’t about to take advantage of a sixteen-year-old boy.

For the hundredth time, he pulled Jay’s arms from around his waist where they latched themselves behind him. “Jay. Stop. It’s not right.”

“You never turned me down before.”

“That was different. We were the same age then. Now … I’m twice your age. It’s illegal.”

“They won’t arrest you. They wouldn’t even see me!”

“You don’t even want this. Not really. You’re just bored.”

Jay turned away and released a breath. His hand tried to strike the back of the sofa but went through it. “Dammit.”

Jensen felt bad. Understood. “Hit me.”

“What?”

“It’s okay. You’re frustrated. You can’t touch anything. Except me. C’mon, I can take it. Let me have it.”

“You’re insane.”

“Probably. Most likely even. But … you don’t want me. I … don’t exist for you any more than you exist for me.”

“You don’t know what I want. You have this tight little life all strapped down safe. You say I left but I don’t understand that. Makes no sense. And all I want … “ Jay’s eyes misted and Jensen felt his heart lurch. “I want you back. Not … this you. My _you_.”

That couldn’t happen. Jensen took the boy in his arms and held on as he cried. After a moment he realized they were both crying. “Jared,” he said softly. “You haven’t replied. I should give up. I should take that for what it likely means. But … what if we try Meggie? One last shot.”

Jay shook his head no against his shoulder but Jensen knew that he had no choice. He had to know.

Megan’s reply came in the next day. Jensen was in the office plugging away on the Johnston expansion plans. Jared wasn’t around. He’d disappeared shortly after Jensen sat at his computer to send the private message to Megan, a frown on his sad face.

Her reply was short. Stilted. She seemed very surprised he’d written.

_Jensen,_

_My god. I don’t know what to say. How are you? You want to see Jay? That would be so good. He’d want that. I’m sure of it. He’s at Austin General. But your mother must have told you that. No need to ask. Just come._

_I’ll be travelling for the next few days. Can’t be helped so I might be hard to get a hold of. The timing is terrible but really it can’t be helped. I’ll explain later._

_Love,_

_Megan_

– – –

Jensen called his mother. They chatted a little and no matter how many times Jensen tried to bring the words up: Tell me what you know about Jared. He couldn’t. He couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t open himself up.

Jared at sixteen.

Everything about that time represented the worst time in Jensen’s life. Why now? What the hell was he going to find in Austin General? Did Jay become a doctor like his older brother? Made sense. He thought about Jared’s face when he spoke about his brother, Jeff. How proud he’d seemed at the choices his brother was making. Of course that was before it all went south.

_“Jen. I … my parents … “_

_Jared looked upset. He was as white as a sheet. Jensen walked his friend up to his room. “What’s wrong?” For a panicked moment he thought maybe Jay’s parents had found out about them. But Jared’s next words stopped him cold._

_“They’re getting divorced. Dad moved out last night. Mom’s so sad. I mean, I knew they had their issues. I guess this is what happens.” His eyes filled. “Oh fuck … Jen … “_

_Jensen drew him close “I got you. I’m here.” Jared held on and let himself be held. It was tough, but they’d get through it. Together. Like they always did._

He hung up on his mom without ever asking a word about the Padaleckis. Katie came in interrupting him. She distracted him with work and Jensen threw himself at it like a lifeline. In a month they’d be flying to Indonesia. Inspect the facilities in person. Katie was pleased to be included and Jensen hoped this would help settle her doubts about the situation.

A short time later Jared’s sudden presence surprised Jensen, although by now he really should be used to it.

“Were you talking to your mom before?”

Jensen nodded yes. Luckily Katie had stepped back to her desk.

“So she knows, right, that you’re gay. I mean, I can see you’re out. Here. And your friend Jason. Your folks, they know, too?”

“Yeah, Jay. They know.”

Jared seemed taken aback by this even though he clearly assumed it. “Wow. I mean, we were so scared. I never … can’t think about … how did you do it?”

_He’d lost enough weight to be noticeable. Clothes fell off his body. School was starting and he showed up on day one only to turn around and walk back out the door. He walked for hours that day. Aimlessly. Every place his eyes landed on hurt. Every spot was a trap trying to capture him. Bury him. Only it didn’t work that way. He couldn’t really disappear._

_By the third skipped day of school they’d contacted his parents. This shouldn’t have been surprising and it wasn’t. Later he wondered if he’d wanted the attention. If he’d needed to just explode._

_His parents attempted to speak calmly to him. He saw the frustration in his father though. The tick near his jaw. It was similar to Jensen’s own. Josh was in college. Mackenzie shipped off to a girlfriend’s house. All so his parents could talk to Jensen. Again. They’d been talking all summer. It wasn’t that Jensen didn’t hear them. It’s just that he didn’t care about what they were saying._

_“Jenny, please … talk to us. What is this? You’ve always loved school. Never did anything like this before. Let us help. Is someone bothering you? Is there someone you are avoiding?”_

_He turned away from his mother’s pleading gaze. Yeah. He was avoiding every inch of that school. Of his life. Was there a way of just avoiding his life? Because everything, everything took him back to Jay._

_Alan Ackles wasn’t an emotional man. But he loved his son. And Jensen knew this was hurting him, could see it in his father’s eyes. “Is someone threatening you in some way? Bullying?”_

_They were grasping. Making up scenarios and scaring themselves crazy. He tried to assuage. “No … no it’s nothing like that. I just … couldn’t.”_

_His father rose and paced. “Jensen, this can’t continue. All summer you’ve been moping around. You have to get over this.” His pitch deepened and the volume rose as his frustration tipped to anger. “We’ve all had friends who had to move away. It’s not the end of the world.”_

_At Jensen’s stunned expression Donna quickly chimed in. “We know what Jared meant to you. How he was your best friend. But Jenny, honey.”_

_“Don’t call me Jenny!” Jensen didn’t know why he suddenly couldn’t stand this. Only that Jared called him that and it was … he couldn’t stand hearing it. “You don’t—“_

_“Of course I do. I miss Sheri. I understand. She was a good friend. But she had to do this for her family. The teaching opportunity in England is a way for her to get a fresh start. I know how hard it is for you. For Jared and his sister. Sheri isn’t being mean, Jensen. She’s only doing what is best for her family. To keep them together. There are things you boys didn’t …When you’re older, you’ll understand.”_

_Alan piped in again, “You can’t act like your life is over.”_

_Jensen erupted. “It is over! Don’t you see. God, you both are idiots. Jay isn’t my best friend. He … he’s fucking_ everything _. And now … now … “_

_His parents froze. The air in the room was suddenly sucked out leaving a vacuum. His mother spoke in a higher than normal pitch. “Jensen … I don’t understand.”_

_He looked them in the eye. “I’m gay. So is Jay. We weren’t friends. We were lovers. For two years. And now Sheri fucking Padalecki tore him from me. And he never … couldn’t. Maybe if he’d just told her she wouldn’t have made him leave. But he was scared. Said he had no choice. But there’s always a choice. And he choose to leave.”_

_Jensen slumped now. Exhausted. Tears streaming and breath coming out in small gasps._

_His father let out a soft, “Oh god.” His mother simply stared as if the boy crying in front of her was someone she’d never seen before._

Jay didn’t wait for Jensen to answer. He asked aloud, “Wonder if I ever told my folks?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen answered honestly, fighting back memories that he really couldn’t face. He wanted to go home. Climb into bed. Hide. Instead he wrote a final email to Jim and Jeff saying he was taking the next day off to take care of an errand.

Finally he turned back to Jared. “Will you come with me?”

Jared didn’t ask where. “I don’t think I have a choice.”

**Chapter 6**  
 ****

The wind blew Jay’s hair away from his face. He sat contentedly next to Jensen, window partially open despite the lingering February chill. Jensen thought about the date. His birthday was coming up. Less than a week. Thirty years old.

Career-wise he felt he had a lot to show for his years. He glanced to Jay again. Had he become a doctor? It was what he talked about. Helping people. Healing.

Jay did the mind-reading trick. “So, I’m a doctor now, eh?”

“Maybe. Looks like.”

“ ‘S what I always wanted. Jeff would let me look at his notes and his books. I thought maybe we’d practice together one day, you know?”

Jensen hadn’t been able to find anything on Jeffrey Padalecki. Although not having a Facebook account hardly meant anything. Jensen was a late comer to that party as well. He only had his account for a couple of years. Maybe Jeff joined his family in England after medical school. He could have gotten qualified there and perhaps he lived near Megan. They were always a close family. Except, that didn’t explain why Jared was back in Texas.

He hadn’t had a chance to look up their father Gerald. Not that he expected to find him on a social networking site. But he was aware peripherally from back then that Gerald remained in Texas. He didn’t know where. Jensen didn’t know much about Jared’s dad. Later, when Jensen would go home to visit, his mother would say things that shed new light into what happened between Gerald and Sheri. Donna implied that Gerald had been abusive. Not physically. But emotionally. Jensen remembered times that Jared had been upset over things his father had said. He wondered now if Jared had held back. If his father had hurt him more than Jensen knew about.

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we talk about your dad?”

“What about him?”

“Before the divorce … did he … he never hit you or your sister or brother. Or your mom? Did he?”

“No! Cripes, where’d you get that from?”

“Nowhere … I just … you told me they had some nasty fights.”

Jay was quiet and Jensen looked over. The boy was biting his lower lip and squirming. “Yeah. Dad got frustrated easily. Wasn’t happy. I found out something. I never told you.”

“What did you find out, Jay?”

“There was … he cheated on Mom.”

Jensen’s eyes spun over. He’d never heard that. His parents never said anything. He assumed his mother knew. “You never told me that.” Jensen cringed at the hurt in his voice.

“I know. I wanted to not think about it. Momma was so sad all the time. I just … it was private to her. And she asked us to not … And then they separated and Dad moved out. Momma was still sad but it was better. She said she needed to work on herself. Be herself again. Something like that. And I told her we’d do whatever we could to help.”

The last argument with Jared played in Jensen’s head. At the time Jensen couldn’t see past his breaking heart. He didn’t understand. And now he knew he’d never had all the facts. Even so, he didn’t know if it would have made any difference.

_“You can’t be serious about this. You can’t possibly move to—“_

_“I have to, Jenny. I have no choice.”_

_“You keep saying that. But … it doesn’t make sense. You’d be leaving me. Us. Jay, you can’t. Tell her. We’ll tell them and maybe then she’d change her mind.”_

_Jay had been quiet, turned inward. He wouldn’t look Jensen in the eye. “I can’t. If I do that … I don’t know what will—Jen, she’s been through too much. I can’t drop that on top of … Please try to understand. It’s my momma.”_

_Jensen had snapped bitterly. “And what am I? Not much I guess. Not if you can just up and leave me like it’s nothing!”_

_“It’s not nothing … this is killing me. But there’s nothing I can do. She accepted this position. Jeff is finishing medical school here but Megan and I, we have to go with her.”_

_“Why not go live with Jeff? Or your father? Hell, move in here with me! You can’t do this.”_

__

_Jared’s eyes met his, more broken than he thought possible. “I can’t do that. It’ll kill her, Jensen. She’s lost so much. Dad was … he said things he shouldn’t have said. I saw it, Jen. Knew she was dying a little inside each time. But there was nothing … I can’t leave Megan. Can’t leave my mom.”_

_“But you can leave me.” Jared’s silence said it all. Through a strangled throat Jensen said, “Get out.”_

_“Jen … can’t we try … ?”_

_“To what? Pretend it’s possible to have a relationship across a fucking ocean?! No, we can’t. Because it isn’t and you know it.”_

_“I … I love you.”_

_“No! You don’t get to say that. Not ever again. You made a choice. Go live with it.”_

_“Jen … “_

_“Get the fuck out!”_

Jensen gripped the steering wheel so tight he thought the blood would never reach his fingers again. He glanced at his passenger, glad that Jay’s memories seemed to stop short of his mother’s decision to move away. He didn’t think Jay would be sitting there so peacefully if he’d been aware of how they parted. Which made seeing the real Jared all the more nerve-wracking. Because that Jay was probably long past Jensen. Jensen was no more than a story of a first romance told to Jared’s lover during slightly drunken exchanges of past mistakes.

The boy who fell apart when it ended. The one who couldn’t let go. The one who never said goodbye.

– – –

The front desk was wide and curved. Two women in pink scrubs sat behind the tall counter. Jensen approached slowly. This was crazy. Doctors didn’t work Monday to Friday normal business hours. The odds of Jared being here were slim. He should have just asked Megan for a phone number. Called first. Except he couldn’t face Jared telling him to stay home.

Jay stood next to him awkwardly, elbows falling through the countertop’s surface.

“Excuse me … I’m looking for … ”

A finger poked him. “Jensen. Don’t bother … I know where I am.”

Jensen turned away from the smiling woman and faced Jay. “You do?”

“Sir, how may I help you?“

Jensen spun back. “Never mind. Thank you.”

He followed Jay to the back elevators. “How do you--?”

“I just do. C’mon. This way.”

They got off on the third floor. Jay’s pace was quick and steady, no hesitation. Jensen barely had a chance to look around and see what was going on around him. They stopped in front of a shut door toward the end of a corridor. Jay disappeared and the door swung open.

“Jensen!”

“Mrs. Padalecki … I … “

“Jensen, my goodness you startled me.” She looked tired, drawn. Face showing more wrinkles than he remembered but her eyes were still the same bright blue-green. Eyes roving his face as if she, too, were looking for differences, she put her hand on his arm. “Did Donna tell you? I told her not to. After … I just didn’t see the point. But maybe she was right. Wasn’t my choice to make. It was yours.” Her eyes filled with tears and Jensen felt his stomach drop like a rock.

“Sheri, Momma didn’t tell me anything.”

The older woman’s eyes grew big. “But then why are you--?”

“I came to find Jared. Megan wrote me that he’d be here. Does he work here?”

The woman sagged slightly before him. Like wind was literally let out of her sails. He held her up by the elbow. “Let’s go sit someplace,” she said softly.

They worked their way to a visitor lounge near the elevator corridor. It was just a few bench seats facing each other. Sheri sat next to Jensen and took his hand in hers. It was slightly damp and too warm. Jensen squeezed back and held his breath.

“Maybe it’s best,” she repeated as if the previous conversation had never ceased. “He’d want this. I heard him. I’m sure you didn’t know. He never knew because I’d run back to the car before he came out.” Her eyes met his, tears welling on her lower lids before falling in long slow drops. “I knew. Maybe not consciously … but I knew. God, I thought I was doing the right thing. It wasn’t about that. About you. I hope you know that. I just had to get away. Don’t know if you’ve ever felt that. I hope you never do. But I had to go, Jensen. And I had to have my family with me. They were all I had. They were a part of me.”

Like Jay had been a part of Jensen. That much he did understand. She continued talking. “I’ll never forget his voice, screaming for you.”

_“Jensen! Jen, please. Come on … open the door. I’m leaving. Momma’s outside. Say goodbye at least. Jen.”_

_Jensen sat staring at his closed bedroom door. They hadn’t spoken since he’d told Jared that he’d made a choice. A choice to leave Jensen._

_“I just want to see you one more—Please … open the door.”_

_He felt cold. Like he’d swallowed a box of ice pops in one gulp. The freeze vibrating like a thousand tiny blades, slicing him up inside. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Just sat and waited for the pounding to stop._

_Like thunder, like horses pounding and a train jumping a track. Monstrous and booming and begging. Fists striking wood and sobs splitting the air like the crack of a whip._

_“Jen … please … “ Another rumble, dying out now, fading. “I have to go. I’m gonna say it even if you can’t. Bye, Jen.”_

_Silence._

“Sheri … where is Jay?”

– – –

The door opened with a slight whoosh. Jensen entered and stared. It was a single room and the first thing he noticed was the familiar sound. The beeping of the monitors controlling Jared’s breathing. The hiss in and out, steady yet wrong.

“I told you. I told you not to come.”

Jensen looked up at the teenager who stared down at himself on the bed. His voice sounded bitter. He swiped at Jared on the bed, hand passing through him. “Guess you’re still the only one I can touch.”

Jensen looked to see if Sheri could see young Jay but she was looking only at her nearly thirty-year-old son lying motionless on the hospital bed.

“What happened?” he asked finally, voice barely a croak.

She touched Jared’s hand and then returned her focus to Jensen. “Car accident. A couple of weeks ago. He’s been in a coma ever since. They don’t think … “

Jensen’s eyes locked on hers. “You can’t mean … ?”

“The prognosis is bad. He’s not expected to wake up. They don’t think he’ll—There was too much damage.“

“Are you sure? What about Jeff? Has he spoken to the doctors? Can’t they do something?”

“Jeff’s been here almost nonstop. As has Meggie. She had to fly home but she’ll be back. Gerry, too. It’s just … we want to have hope but … “

A car accident. A few weeks ago. Jensen thought back to his own accident around the same time. And all he’d had was a damn nosebleed. It was so unfair. He tasted tears and realized he was crying. Jay touched his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay.”

Sheri nodded. “I know, I know. I’m glad you came. They don’t know if he can hear us. I like to think he can. Tell him you’re here. Let him know.”

Jensen stared at her and she smiled reassuringly. “I’m going to step out for a cup of coffee.”

Jensen was left alone in the room with both Jareds. He turned to the teenager. “Can I talk to him alone?”

Jay looked at him a long moment before vanishing.

Jensen approached the bed. Studied the man he once loved.

Still loved.

His hair was dull and flat, longish but styled. Face thin, paler than Jensen had ever seen him. The breathing tube distorted his gray, chapped lips. He couldn’t see Jared’s eyes. He put his hand over Jared’s and at the warm contact a sob ripped out of him. Oh god. In his worst nightmares he’d never imagined this.

“Hey, Jay. Can you hear me? I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me again, you hear that? I … I’m sorry for how it … for how I … but let’s not talk about that now. I was kinda hoping you’d maybe wake up. Think you’d be up for that? I thought maybe we could talk about the good times. Just remember all the fun. What do you think?”

“There were a lot of fun times.” Jensen spun around because the voice came from behind him, from teenage Jared.

“Can he not wake up because you’re out walking around?” Jensen accused.

Jay approached and tried to touch his own face but his fingers slipped through. “No. That’s not it.”

“I need him to wake up.”

“I know you do. I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?” Jensen felt fear grip his heart, clamp around it like a cold dead thing.

“I have to leave you.”

“No. You can’t.” Jensen sank onto the chair near Jared’s bed. Jared was still, unmoving except for his chest compressing and expanding in synch with the machine keeping him alive.

A hand brushed through Jensen’s hair, fingers tingling against his scalp. Jensen turned toward the warmth, eyes shutting. “Shh. It’s okay, Jenny. This time is different. You can say goodbye.”

Jensen leapt up at that. “No. God no.” He shook off the boy’s hand and returned to Jared on the bed. “Jared don’t go, please don’t go.” He felt the desperation rising, begging did no good the last time. “I love you. I’ll always love you. Always.”

He heard pounding. Banging. Heard his name shouted over and over in between gargled sobs. The fist clutching his heart released and it was like all the blood poured out of him at once. Hot and slippery and pulsing with pain.

Movement out of the corner of his eye made Jensen look up. Jay stood in the back of the room, misty now, like he was surrounded by a glowing fog. An alarm sounded, piercing and sharp and Jensen nearly shrieked at the stun of it.

“Say goodbye, Jensen.”

“No. Please … ”

“I love you.”

Jensen bent over Jared’s forehead and placed his lips there, holding them a moment. “Bye, my love.”

Sheri screamed at the doorway and nurses bustled past shoving Jensen aside like rag doll. They shouted he should wait outside. They barked orders and they shocked Jared’s still heart with a charge and they waited and tried again and again.

The monitors kept going … toneless and dull and flat. Jensen stared at Jay as the glow intensified and his teenage form vanished. The brightness grew, filled Jensen’s vision, took over the room, the world.

And then it all fell silent and white.

– – –

The light bothered Jensen’s eyes. He blinked and squinted and quickly shut them again against the sharp pain. His head felt woozy. Like he’d been floating underwater for a long time. He tried to move, wriggle a toe, a finger. It took a moment but his body responded to his commands. He turned his neck and felt something slightly raspy slide under it. Like a too-starched sheet. Cool but not forgiving.

He fought to open his eyes again. Where the hell was he?

White flooded him again, too bright, too piercing. He must have let out a sound, like a groan. A gasp sounded next to him.

“Oh my god! Jensen … Jen, wake up honey. That’s it, open your eyes.”

A flash of blonde and blue. “M-Mom?”

Another hand reached him, light flashing in his eye, firm fingers turning his head, lifting his wrist. Slightly sour breath coming closer, teeth shining and grin widening. “Welcome back,” a friendly voice said. The voice spoke away from him, facing his mother. “I’ll alert his doctor. His vitals look good.”

His mother exhaled, grabbed his hand. “Jensen. Honey, look at me.”

He kept his eyes focused on her watery blue stare. “Mom? What … ?”

And then it came back. The hospital. Jay. The light. He shut his eyes tight and turned his head away from her. He must have fainted like a fucking princess. But he said goodbye this time, right? The words came out? He didn’t just think them?

“Jensen, sweetheart … it’s okay. You’re going to be alright. He said you will be. They relieved the pressure. Jensen … “

What was his mother babbling about? Dammit … he wished she’d go. She tried to understand and she never did.

“Jensen? What do you remember? Do you know where you are?”

God, he hated her attempt at soothing. It wasn’t helping. “Hospital.”

“That’s right. They brought you here after … Jensen, do you remember the accident?”

He turned back to her, this time taking in more of the room as his eyes swept around. There were flowers on the table opposite the bed. A wilting Get Well Soon balloon attached to a stick in the middle of an arrangement. Everything looked like it had been there a while. His brows furrowed. How long had he been out?

“What?” he asked his mother.

“Honey. It’s okay now. You’ll be fine. Don’t be frightened. You were in a car accident about two weeks ago.”

He tried to move and felt a pull where the IV tugged. He looked down and took in his appearance. Some sort of hospital gown, scratchy blankets. The sun was streaming through the window reflecting off his mother’s light blonde hair. “I know. But, I was fine. Just a nosebleed.”

Donna let out a slightly breathy laugh. “A little more than that. Honey, you’ve been unconscious. In a coma. We feared … but it’s okay now. They relieved the pressure in your brain and said you’d wake up. Oh god, we were so worried. I have to go call Dad and Josh and Mack. Will you be alright a moment if I go out in the hallway? I’m not allowed to use the phone in here because of the monitors and we didn’t install a phone because … well, you were … “

“What? I don’t –“ But his mother had stepped away and Jensen was left with his questions and no one around. He searched the room. He knew he was looking for the impossible but he couldn’t help wonder if maybe, somehow, young Jared had been able to stay behind. To stay with Jensen.

And then the impossible happened.

“Hey … look who’s awake.”

Jensen stared. This Jared wasn’t a teenager. He was all man. Jensen felt his tongue grow dry and big in his mouth. It felt like it could choke him. Sparkling hazel eyes captured him, face breaking into a sweet dimpled grin. He was huge. Not quite as tall as his father had been but almost. Shoulders broader than he’d ever seen them. Had ever even imagined. The arms sticking out from the light blue scrubs were muscled and strong and looked like they could lift him with hardly any effort at all. His eyes locked on Jared’s chest, on the swoop of his pecs peeking out from the vee of his shirt. Holy shit.

This was the best hallucination in the world.

Jared approached the bed. “Mind if I just take a look?”

He approached the IV drip and studied the bags, then he grabbed Jensen’s wrist and seemed to be measuring his pulse. Strong fingers lifted his eyelids and looked for reaction. A finger crossed Jensen’s vision. “Can you follow that?” Jensen shifted his eyes left, then right.

“Good. Excellent.” A hand brushed behind his head, tugging at something. “We had to shave your head a little. Sorry about that.” Fingers stroked through his hair a moment before disappearing.

“I’m going to put you on some anti-convulsive medicine just as a precaution. You’ll only need to be on it for about a week. Does your head hurt? Any other discomforts?”

Jensen stared. “You’re old.”

Jared smiled at him. “Yeah well, you’re older. And it looks like you’re gonna keep getting that way.” Something changed in his look, his color deepened and he approached the bed. “How much do you remember?”

Eyes stinging Jensen said, “Everything.”

Jensen studied Jared’s new face. Gorgeous didn’t begin to describe him. Jensen put his hand out compelled to touch. Jay looked down at Jensen’s movement and gripped his hand. “Hey,” he said softly. “Didn’t think this is the way we’d be seeing each other again.”

“Where’d you go?” Jensen asked. “And how come they let you come back?”

Jared’s brows drew together. “Still a citizen, Jen. They let me back in.” He smiled. “Drugs have you a little loopy. It’s normal. You should rest.”

As soon as the words were spoken Jensen felt his lids droop. He really was tired. It suddenly felt like a huge weight sat on his chest pressing him deeper into the mattress. “Will you come with me?” he slurred, eyes mostly shut.

“Where?” Jared asked.

“Funeral. Can’t handle … without you.”

A hand covered his again. “Jen. You’re going to be fine. I promise. It’s all going to be okay.”

Fingers carded through his hair, nails slightly digging into his scalp. Warm and soft and good.

Jensen awoke to a huge smile. Mackenzie practically leapt on him while his mother tried uselessly to calm her down. “Jen … you’re awake. You’re really awake! They said it was different. That you were just sleeping, but … “

“Hey, kiddo. Whoa, don’t cry. What’s all this about?” He looked back up to his mother’s bright smile. As memory returned he looked around the room but only Mack and his mother were there. Fighting back disappointment, he returned his sister’s embrace.

“Sorry I scared you. Just … couldn’t handle it, I guess. But I’m better now. It’s going to be okay.”

She pulled back and stared at him. “You don’t have to apologize. Wasn’t your fault, Jen. God, nobody is blaming you.”

The door opened again and a tall figure filled the opening. “Hi.”

Mack jumped up. “Jay … he’s awake. Like you said.” His sister leapt into Jared’s arms.

“Told you. I keep my promises.”

Jensen gaped, mouth flapping open stupidly. “M-Mack. You … see him?”

Donna touched Jensen’s arm. “Jared’s been here the whole time. Well, since we called him. I knew he was back and in Texas. And Sheri told me he was a neurosurgeon. Jensen. He saved your life.” Her eyes filled again with tears.

Jared put his arm around Donna and pulled her to him. “I just helped. Jensen did all the work.”

“That’s cause you never gave up.”

Jensen looked from his mother to Jared, heart pounding so hard the monitor beeped erratically. Jared looked up in concern. “Jen … what’s wrong?”

“How long … how long have I been here?”

Donna squeezed his hand. “Since the accident, like I told you. Almost two weeks.”

“I was … _I_ was in a coma?”

“Yes. And they didn’t know if you’d wake up. Then Jared alleviated the pressure in your brain. And … now you’re talking to us. It’s like a miracle.”

Jared looked down, face flushing. He returned his gaze to Jensen’s. “It’s called a craniotomy. Basically, we dug a hole in your skull and released the blood that built up from your head injury. It sounds worse than it is. You’re going to be fine. We’ll just keep monitoring the pressure. I took the sutures out yesterday. Like I said, a week of anticonvulsives. If your tests keep looking good you’ll get to leave here in a week or so.”

Donna interrupted. “So soon? After brain surgery?”

“Donna. He’s going to be okay. There’s no more bleeding. The pressure has dropped dramatically. I think we’re over the worst of it.”

“I’ve been _here_. In this bed, for two weeks?”

All eyes turned back to him and Jared looked slightly concerned now. “Jen, are you having trouble remembering what we just told you?”

“What about your accident?”

“Huh?”

“Weren’t you also in a car accident?”

Jared gave him an indulgent smile, but his eyes remained worried. “No. I wasn’t. Not counting a little fender bender years ago. But you were with me for that.”

Jensen stared at his family, at Jared, feeling very much like Dorothy just home from Oz. He had this irresistible urge to start telling them all that they were there, too. With him. In his _dream?_

“Mom, Mack … can I … will you let me talk to Jared alone a moment?” He turned to Jared and held his gaze. “I have some questions … do you have a little time?”

“Sure. I’m off duty till tomorrow. I have all the time you need.”

Mack pouted but stepped away. Donna kissed his cheek. “I know you’ll want to catch up, but don’t stay up all night. I’ll be back with Dad in a little while. He got caught up in the office but he’ll be here soon. And Josh will be here tomorrow.”

Jensen nodded at them and watched them leave. Alone suddenly with Jared, Jensen felt shy. None of it happened. Then that meant this was the first time they were talking since …

“Jay? When I was asleep. I mean in the coma … could I have dreamt?”

“It’s possible. Do you remember dreaming?”

Jared perched on the side of Jensen’s bed. His hand landed near Jensen’s shoulder. “Mom said you were here … a lot. Did you … talk to me?”

Jared blushed and stood, walking slightly away. “Guess maybe you’re remembering that, too, huh? I was talking about when we were kids. The good times.”

“Did I say anything?”

“No. You were out. But maybe you heard me. I was hoping you would.”

Jensen stared at Jared’s broad back. Boy, he’d grown up and then some. The boy had been cute. The man was stunning. His heart pounded again.

“Jared … “ Jensen held his hand out and Jared approached and sat next to him again. Slowly he took Jensen’s hand, giving it a little squeeze.

“Yeah, Jen?”

“I’m sorry.” Jared looked like he might interrupt but Jensen wouldn’t let him. He plowed ahead before he lost his nerve. Before everything that happened was made meaningless and he couldn’t allow that. “I’m sorry for how we … how I acted when you moved away. I’m sorry I never said goodbye.”

Jared held his stare until they both were forced to blink. Jensen let the moisture trail down his cheek and tried not to damn himself too much for time lost.

“I can forgive you that. If you do something for me.” Jensen looked at their joined hands and then back up at Jared’s slightly flushed face. “How ‘bout you say hello now, instead.”

Jensen smiled. He could do that. “Hello, Jay.”

# Epilogue

Jensen fell back onto his bed with a satisfied sigh that would have embarrassed him, except he didn’t have enough brain cells left for that. They’d pretty much just all been sucked right out of him. Jared climbed up and half on top of him and Jensen lifted his head to meet his lips in a slow kiss.

He chased Jay’s tongue with his own, tasting himself and Jared and deciding on the spot this was an addiction he’d never be cured of. “Mmm,” he murmured. Best he could do. He was working on refilling his lungs with air, reoxygenating his body toward functionality. Because as soon as he could move he was so returning the favor.

Jared smiled into his mouth. “Tell me again, Jen, how you managed to keep your hands off jailbait me?”

Jensen turned his head and rolled his eyes. “You were a child.”

“You said I was sixteen.”

Some motor functions were now returning and Jensen was taking full advantage as his lips started exploring the miles of decidedly not-jailbait-Jared. “Exactly.”

“When we were sixteen we did some pretty grown up things, if I remember correctly.”

Jensen nodded as he sucked on Jared’s collarbone. Then his lips latched onto a nipple and really he would have nodded at anything. He was pretty distracted.

“Jen?”

“Mmm?”

“I don’t know if I would have been able to be so noble.”

That got through. Jensen lifted up and looked at Jared. His lover’s eyes were smiling and Jensen knew that all of this was just teasing … hell, it hadn’t actually happened. But still … “Jay? I know a long time has passed. And I guess I am a lot older. Is it … “

A hand on his chest stopped him. “Oh shit. Jen, you can’t think … holy fuck, look at you. You’re so hot now I practically jumped you when you were in a coma.” Jensen had let his eyes drift down but a finger pointed him back up until he was captive. “You were always pretty. But now? God, Jen you’re … “ Jared ran out of words and leaned in to capture his lips again. Jensen sank into the kiss, the taste and sweet pressure, the silky press of Jared’s lips. Unexpectedly, he tasted salt and pulled back to wipe at Jared’s suddenly damp cheeks.

“Jay?” he asked alarmed.

Jensen had been released from the hospital after a week as Jared had predicted. In the interim he’d learned that Jared had only recently returned to America and had only been on the job for one day when his mother had phoned him saying that Donna called and said that Jensen had been in an accident. Jensen had further been confused to learn that Jay worked and lived in Dallas and not in Austin. Not that he was complaining.

They’d spoken some in the hospital. Catching up of sorts. But there were always folks around. Jensen’s family and nurses and other doctors.

Jensen was supposed to continue recuperating at home. Three days after settling in the thought of going one more day without seeing Jared just wasn’t going to cut it. He invited Jared over. Really he thought they should take it slow. Talk. Get to know each other. It hadn’t exactly worked out that way. Within fifteen minutes of Jay stepping through his door they were making out on Jensen’s sofa. At the first combustible touch Jensen felt like he was filling this huge gaping hole. God, he’d missed him.

They frantically worked their way to Jensen’s bedroom and Jared had him naked and prone, watching through hooded lids as Jared worked him in and out of his gorgeous mouth and all good intentions about talking and slowness just vanished.

Only now it felt like everything was suddenly catching up to them.

“Jared?” Jensen asked again bringing his arms closer around his long-lost love.

“I’m sorry … I thought … I mean, I had weeks of looking at you to get used to it. To think maybe … I knew you’d come back to me. Knew it.”

“Yeah. Thanks for never giving up on me.”

“I just … I can’t believe I’m here. That you’re here. That _we_ are here.”

Jensen pushed Jared’s head down until he rested on Jensen’s chest. “Jay … Not that that wasn’t the best orgasm in like ever. And definitely not like I’m not going to be sure you feel as good as I just did. But … we should talk.”

He felt Jared’s steady breath against his chest. Warm and soft. He pulled the blanket up a little higher over both of them. This was so achingly familiar. Laying naked together and baring their souls.

It didn’t surprise Jensen that Jared started first. It usually went that way. “When I moved back … I thought I’d see you. I was working my way up to it. Thinking of whether you’d be willing to see me. And then my momma called. She told me that you were badly hurt and I just … The thought of losing you … “

Jensen held Jared tighter. “I know … I told you about my dream. You … left me again.”

“It was like dying, leaving you. Was the worst time of my life. Momma … she told me, she’s part of the reason I moved back.”

Jensen leaned down to look at Jay. He’d wondered about this but was unsure about asking. He knew that Sheri still lived in England like Megan. “You said you came back for the job opportunity.”

Jared ducked his head, gave Jensen’s chest a feather soft kiss right above his heart. “That, too.”

Jensen absorbed this and then asked the other question that had been burning inside. “Jay? You never met anyone there? You know, was there someone special?”

The bed shifted as Jared lifted up and rested on his elbow, eyes locking with Jensen’s. “I dated. The longest went nearly a year before he broke it off.”

That certainly sounded familiar. Except, of course, he didn’t know how Jared felt about this other man. Jensen fought back the instant jealousy. “You say he broke it off? Did you want to stay with him?”

“It was comfortable. Bill wanted more than I had to give. I knew that so I didn’t really fight it when he left.” Jared looked at Jensen. “What about you?”

“I was the world’s shittiest boyfriend. I’d try for a few months and then … I don’t know … I’d get bored or something. “

Jared nodded. Jensen wasn’t sure exactly what that agreement meant. Then Jared asked softly, “Ever think of calling me, finding me?”

“I couldn’t. Hurt so much I’d shoved it all away. When I let it in … not that I did much … I’d hear you pounding on my door.” Jensen’s eyes clouded. “I’m sorry, Jay.”

“I wanted to hate you after that. Told myself I did for a while. Only one I hated more was myself. It was an impossible decision, Jen. You called it that. A choice. Never felt like that for me.”

“I get that now. I was just so young then. It just … “

Jared’s finger rubbed his cheek gently. “I know. But we’re here now.”

“You said your mom urged you to move back?”

Jared spoke softly, like silk over glass. “She said I was a good son. Said she loved me. I’d come out to her and the rest of my family shortly after I started university. But I never told them about us. Didn’t see the point. But Momma sat me down about two months ago. Nothing special was going on, just a regular Sunday afternoon visit. We’re sitting there drinking tea and she says that it’s time. I didn’t know what she meant so I asked. And she said for me to go home.

“I didn’t get it just then. I thought she meant America. Texas. But then … at the airport saying goodbye she said it again, how I needed to go home. And then she said, ‘To Jensen.’ And I asked her how long she’d known. She said always and asked if I was mad at her.” Jared turned pleading eyes toward Jensen’s. “I told her ‘no’, couldn’t make her feel guilty over doing something she had to do at the time. Do you … are you still angry over it?”

Part of Jensen wanted to shout yes. Still felt the knife ripping out his heart and taking it away across an ocean. But other words came out instead. “You came back for me.”

Jared smiled, lighting up the room. “And that’s before I knew you’d turned into the hottest man on the planet.”

“Second.”

Jared started to ask what but Jensen’s lips met Jay’s chest again and the only thing that penetrated was the taste on his tongue and the skin against his lips. He worked his way down inch by inch, savoring every crevice and curve and ripped abdominal muscle along the way. By the time he drew Jared’s dick into his mouth Jensen had decided that as cute as jailbait Jared had been he wouldn’t trade the man under him for anything.

A hand touched his head a few moments later, surprising him. “Want more,” Jared moaned. “Wanna feel you inside me.”

So much for slow. “You sure?” Jensen asked.

Jared sat up and took Jensen’s hand, placing it directly over his heart. Jensen felt like his own heart was stopping because that was exactly what Jared had done the first time they’d ever had sex, when Jensen had also asked if he was sure. Sucking in air he reached for his nightstand, pulling out a small bottle and a condom.

Jensen went as slow as if it had been their first time. In a way it felt like it was all over again. He pressed against Jared slowly, letting the heat swallow him up and fighting for control against the mind blowing pleasure. “Fuck … you’re tight,” he uttered.

Jared spit out, “Been a while” and Jensen seared at the spark of satisfaction that gave him. His possessiveness took over and he started fucking into Jared harder. Jay wrapped his legs tighter around Jensen’s hips and thrust back with all he had. They established a rhythm as if they’d been doing this forever. Sweat dripped from his temples, down his back as he worked to maximize Jared’s pleasure by aiming his strokes just so every time. He remembered the sounds, the moans and breathy sighs, like they’d been just yesterday. Yet the body beneath his was firm and strong and new.

“Oh fuck,” Jared groaned, “God … “ Jensen pressed in faster, deeper, heat racing through his veins, blossoming from his groin outward. So good, so strong, every upward push of Jared’s almost lifting Jensen and fuck that was hot. Lowering his head he sought out Jared’s mouth, tongue snaking inside to whirl and seek, teeth nibbling on Jared’s bottom lip, sucking it back and then releasing with a tiny snap.

Jared’s breathing got runner quick and Jensen brought his hand down to encircle Jared’s cock. Two swift strokes and the other man grunted and released, long hot ropes hitting Jensen’s belly. He met Jared’s pupil-filled gaze just as he was leaning in for another kiss. The words were whispered directly into Jensen’s mouth. “I love you.”

Jensen lost it then, shooting into the condom in erratic bursts, hips moving frantically to eke out the last seconds of pleasure. He sank into Jared, body melting like a popsicle in the sun. He wondered fleetingly if he was crushing his lover, but Jared was kissing the side of his neck and holding on like separation meant death.

Eventually, Jensen managed the strength to pull off and took care of the condom before wiping Jared off with a corner of his sheet. “Jay … “

“Mmm … too tired. Talk later.”

Jensen persevered and snuggled closer. “Jay … you said … “

Jared looked over at him. “If that’s not obvious by now then what is?”

Jensen tried to swallow past the ball-sized lump in his throat. “It’s just that it was the last thing you said to me in my dream. I didn’t think I’d ever hear it again.”

“Did you say it to me in your dream?”

“Yes. I did.” He made sure he could see Jared’s eyes. “I love you. Always have. Always will.”

“I never thought I’d hear it again either.”

“Guess neither one of us recognizes the bloody obvious when it hits us in the head.”

Jared laughed. A real laugh. Something else Jensen didn’t think he’d hear. Jared pressed him closer into his side. “Where’d you get the ‘bloody’ from?”

“Wanted you to feel at home.”

Still smiling but eyes intense, Jared leaned into another kiss. “There … now I feel at home.” He nipped at Jensen’s lower lip. “So … what do you have to play around here?”

– – –

The applause surprised him as he entered the offices. For a moment, Jensen stood stunned. Wasn’t like him to be speechless. Mike and Alona smiled hugely at him, Jim and Jeff approached and gave him half hugs each. And Katie leapt into his arms.

“Jensen. God, it’s good to see you.”

He spun her around, surprising himself. “Yeah. It’s good to be back.”

Jensen had spoken to Jim and Jeff and Katie had filled him in on most of what he’d missed. In his absence the second Johnston presentation had been postponed. But they all assured him that the old man was fine with waiting.

Jensen followed Jim to his office and asked Jeff, Mike and Katie to join him. Jim looked confused as he clearly wasn’t expecting a meeting.

“What’s up, Jen?” the older man asked. “Do you need more time off?”

“No. It’s about the Johnston account.” He took a deep breath.

Last night he’d shared this last part of his dream with Jared. Told him how the younger version of Jay kept criticizing the project. Injecting that it was wrong to export the work out of the country. That the conditions for labor were poor overseas.

Jared had laughed.

Jensen frowned. “It’s hardly funny.”

“No, you’re right. Nothing about what you described or you being in a coma is funny. But, Jensen, first, I have no idea what you’re talking about in terms of exporting manufacturing. It’s not something I think about. I guess, if I understood the details I’d form an opinion. But that’s not the point.” His lover stared at him. Jensen got the impression Jared was waiting for something. Finally, he continued. “Jen, it’s all you.”

“Huh?”

Jared took his hand, pressed Jensen’s palm to his lips and held it there a moment. Jensen tried to not get distracted by the instant heat this brought. “You were the one uncomfortable with all of it. You were telling yourself you didn’t like it. Don’t like it. And if that’s the case then all you have to do is listen to yourself.”

Jensen took a deep breath and faced his colleagues. He didn’t like it. And he wasn’t going to present it. “I’m re-doing the cost projections. They will be higher and we might lose this account. But I can’t accept the profit margin Johnston wants. Can’t accept the circumstances it’ll take to get him there.”

The office fell silent. Katie silently fist pumped. Mike looked shocked. Jim and Jeff locked eyes and communicated silently. Finally, Jensen saw Jim give a slight nod. Jeff was the one who spoke, “It’s your account, Jen. Do it your way.”

Jensen pictured a huge dimpled grin on a ten-year old’s face and smiled.

They split apart again but not before Jeff cornered him. “Jensen, Sam’s dying to see you. She needs to see with her own eyes that you’re okay I guess. Was awful seeing you lying there so still … anyway, I told her I’d get you to stop by the bakery at lunch. Will you, please? Say about twelve-thirty. I’ll ring and let her know you’re coming. Okay?”

“Sure. I’ll bring back some goodies for everyone. Tell her to get some cupcakes together.”

Jeff slapped his back and disappeared into his office.

Jensen stood outside his own office for several moments staring in before entering. Katie followed because they had a lot of work to do. He eyed his office chair. Before he could think too hard he approached and sat, moving it back a few inches to give himself some room before raising his feet off the floor and sending it on a good hard spin. His head swirled and his breath accelerated as he mumbled _this is for you, Jay_ under his breath.

Katie watched him with a bemused questioning grin.

He shrugged his shoulders beneath his slight blush. “I’m playing, Katie.”

She beamed back at him. “Looks good on you.”

He and Katie got to work on new proposals. They would be close to where they’d started but he’d be able to bring unit costs down some from the original presentation. It just had to be enough. And if it wasn’t, well, there were other clients and other opportunities.

Katie flexed her neck and stretched. “Time for a coffee break. Gonna head to the Starbucks. What can I get ya?”

Jensen pursed his lips. “I’m off coffee for a while. It’s not agreeing with the headache medicine I’m still on.” Katie looked surprised. “You can get me some hot tea, though, if you don’t mind.”

She smiled. “Well that sounds easy enough. What kind do you like.”

Jensen thought about it. “Grande Awake tea. Only tell them to make it with a single bag instead of two. Oh, and they should leave room. Then add a splash of whole milk and half a sugar and a whole packet of Splenda. Wait … if you can, have them put the Splenda in first. Got it?”

Her eyes were big and suspiciously moist when she smiled and said, “It’s really good having you back.”

– – –

Samantha’s bakery was close to Jensen’s office. That was how Jeff and she had met in the first place. The weather was warm and the air smelled fresh. Spring was almost here. He entered the small establishment and instantly was assaulted with the smell of fresh baked goods. Jeez, if he worked here he’d grow huge.

The bells on the door tinkled as he entered and within seconds he was smothered in Sam’s tight embrace. “Oh, you look fantastic.” She pulled back. “A little thin. But I can take care of that.” Her smile was warmer than the sun.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Good. Really good.” He hadn’t told anyone yet about Jared. He didn’t know if anyone met him as his doctor. But he doubted they were aware of his previous relationship with Jensen. He was certain his parents wouldn’t have discussed it and knew that Jared hadn’t said anything.

“You look wonderful. Jeff said he didn’t think he’s ever seen you smiling more.”

“Yeah, well, coming back from a coma will do it to you, I guess. I feel … appreciative.”

She smiled. “Good, that’s so good. You have so much going for you.” She stopped and looked down and Jensen wondered instantly what was up. “Don’t be mad. I asked Jeff to get you here now because that customer I told you about comes around this time nearly every day and … “

“Sam, no. I … “ This wasn’t how he wanted to tell people but there was no way he was going to let himself be set up with anyone. Not now. “I’m sorta with someone.”

Her eyes grew huge. “What? But you never … “ The bells on the door sounded and her face slipped into disappointment. “Damn. He’s so handsome. And I just had a good feeling … “

“Hey Sam, watcha have for me to—Jensen?”

“Jay?”

Jensen forgot where he was as Jared’s presence filled the space. He put his hand on Jared’s arm. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

“You two know each other?” Sam asked incredulously.

Jensen looked from Sam to Jared and it all clicked. “Jared was who you wanted me to meet?”

Jared looked confused. Jensen guessed he’d not quite been let in on Samantha’s yenta scheming. Grinning like a loon Jensen took a step back. “I think Sam here had some matchmaker ideas about you and I. But I explained to her I was seeing someone.”

“I am, too.”

“Yeah? You know the guy long?”

“All my life.”

All the teasing left Jensen at the look Jared gave him. He slipped into Jared’s arms and surrendered to a slow, sweet kiss.

Samantha gasped slightly and Jensen turned to look at her shocked expression before shifting back to the man he loved and letting it all blend.

Yesterday, today and a lifetime of tomorrows.

****  
_fin_  


**Author's Note:**

> Beta: borgmama1of5 on LiveJournal


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